


Carving New Roads

by mallabyway



Series: Noire Lavellan & Cullen Rutherford [2]
Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Angst, Blood and Gore, F/M, Fights, Fluff and Angst, Friendship/Love, Love, Lyrium Addiction, Pain, Romance, Sexual Content, Sexual Tension, Spoilers, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-03-01
Updated: 2015-06-12
Packaged: 2018-03-15 21:06:05
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 12
Words: 28,323
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3462011
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mallabyway/pseuds/mallabyway
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Noire Lavellan goes through new difficulties after having closed the final breach. She never gets a break, always having something to do. Now she has to learn to balance this and how to continue her romance with the Commander, which is proving to be a struggle. Starts off as right before the battle of Corypheus, then stories after relating to the Inquisition's results. The sudden outcast by Empress Celene, the rising of the elves after Briala's exile, and Leliana as the new Divine. As well as the result of most people staying in the Inquisition to help clean up Orlais, which means plenty of my own twists as well.</p><p>A lot of OC backstory in between. and some decent smut.<br/>Plan to update often!<br/>Note ;; I'm assuming you have a general background knowledge of DA: I c:</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Safe and Solid

**Author's Note:**

> Ahh! I'm so excited to be writing this. Even if I don't get a lot of reviews from it, I just needed a backstory for my OC. :)
> 
> Sorry by the way! I'm trying not to go the classic Inquisitor x Cullen route. I've noticed a lot of the stories have the general outline and I figured you guys know that story already. c:  
> So I'm trying to write a new. I'm gonna find a better way for you to get to know my Inquisitor c:
> 
> Edit: This chapter is so dry I'm so sorry I'll fix it one day

Long dark eyelashes fluttered as a pair of eyes opened, a golden gaze focusing on the environment around them. Sunrays were breaking through the roof with dust particles, making the room warm and slightly holy. The smell of flowers caught Noire’s attention as she stretched and looked at the pillow next to her. Wildflowers, all shades of yellow and orange, like her eyes, as Cullen would point out. She sat up, the dark red sheets slipping off the chest of her nude body. She ran her fingers through her pixie-raven black hair and took a moment to gather her thoughts.

After Morrigan had gone into the Well of Sorrows and almost encountering Corypheus, Noire had gone on a special trip to the Hinterlands. It was unnecessary considering she had already closed all rifts and aided those who needed it in the area, but she needed to get her mind off of what was coming. Cullen was very reluctant to let her go considering Corypheus was most likely eager to finish everything. Cassandra and Dorian assured that they would be going with her to watch her like she were royalty. Of course Sera would be coming too, but she encouraged unruliness. Let’s just say, Noire brought back plenty of ram pelts for the Inquisition to use at their desire.

Noire found Cullen praying when she returned. For those lost and those he was afraid to lose. In which he was referring to her. Despite her attempt to console him, he still worried. The smell of his armor polish, the “manly” aroma of his skin made her crave him. Noire didn’t know if it was the fact that she had been gone for a couple of weeks or she was about to fight the monster who sought to take everything from her. Later that night, they had made much needed love in his small room above his office. Cullen fell asleep, nuzzled against her collarbone while she watched the stars through the holes. His room was always open, and it was why she preferred it to her own. Josephine scolded her often for not using it enough but it was too grand for her. She just didn’t have the heart to tell her that. Plus it didn’t smell like _him_.

The Inquisitor slipped on the remainder of her sand-colored attire, buttoning the shirt and lacing her boots. Sliding down the ladder, she looked at the Commander’s desk to see he was signing a document. Normally he would’ve greeted her wholeheartedly but it seemed he was extremely focused. “Good morning, Cullen. Working early today, I assume?”

His amber gaze flittered up as though it were a natural reaction to her, “Good morning, Inquisitor. I try to work as soon as I wake up. Although..it seems harder and harder to do everytime you decide to take your slumber here.” The Commander gave a low chuckle before putting the document to the side and standing up. “Are you sure you’re always ok with sleeping here?” He walked over to her and wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her to him.

  
“Always. Although I prefer waking up to your face.” The elf said softly, brushing her cheek against his stubbled jawline, wrapping her arms around his neck and hugging him.

“I’m sorry. I had no desire to wake you. You’ve a lot on your mind. I was also a little restless...” He brought his lips to her neck as he hugged her in return. The touch of them sent pleasant chills down her spine. She could feel his smirk in response and Noire sent him a playful glare. Why he insisted on doing that to her when he _knew_ it was a sweet spot, who knows?

But back on the subject, “Restless? Are you feeling alright?” she quickly brought her hand to his forehead.

  
Cullen laughed softly and brought her hand down to his cheek, stroking her hand with his thumb as he held her wrist, “Just a headache. It always is.”

  
That was a lie. It’s not always a headache and he knew that. After Noire had seen him that day, recollecting every horrible memory and sharing them with her…he had in fact, been better. But that didn’t mean that there weren’t some bad days. All she had to do was console him and remind him that he had come so far already.

“Inquisitor.” His voice brought her back from thought. “Might I suggest you go get some breakfast? I’ve got some work to finish to…and hopefully we can spend some time together before you travel with Morrigan.”

“Do you need anything?”

  
“No, I’ve already eaten.”

  
“Oh.”

  
Cullen instantly heard the disappointment in her voice, “I was up rather early. I would’ve loved waiting for you but I’m afraid I would’ve eaten every one of Leliana’s spies with their reports.” He ran his fingers through her tousled dark hair before kissing her freckled forehead. “Another time, perhaps.”

“It’s alright. I’ll just eat with Sera.” Noire assured, reaching up to kiss his chin which he quickly exchanged with his lips. It was rough, but full of desire as he pressed into her. She met his level, but wasn’t sure where it was coming from. She could’ve sworn he got rid of the hungrier emotions the night before.

“Cullen?” she breathed, as he brought his lips to the corner of her mouth, to her jawline and to her neck which she instinctively extended for him. Her fingers ran through his golden waves as he grazed his teeth against her skin…and suddenly, he stopped. The commander quickly held his Inquisitor to him, squeezing her ever so slightly. “Cullen..what’s going on?”

“I never know when our moments will be its last.” He said so softly she had to listen carefully to hear. And the way he said it broke her heart. It was the first time she registered she could possibly die when fighting the monster. Why it didn’t dawn on her yesterday when he first showed these signs, she wasn’t sure. It hit her like Vivienne’s lightning spells.

  
“I will return to you.” She kissed the side of his head, which made him squeeze her a little harder. “For now, I need to eat. I don’t think it is in Corypheus’ interest to poison my food, as it doesn’t seem like his kind of style. I’ll be back soon.”

He gave a small chuckle, which was clearly fake but he went along. “Unless Sera tries to make another attempt at stealing you.”

  
Cullen brought his face to hers, “I’m yours, Cullen. I’ll just start talking about magic and she’ll walk away.” Noire gave him a quick kiss before moving away from him, their hands touching until she was out of his reach. She watched him til she reached the door, and left with reluctance.

Sera clearly hadn’t eaten yet either as she was eating her eggs quickly. The ladies sat in the inn, enjoying the morning fire and their meal. “Its crazy, yeah? You’re about to go fight Corphy-shit and not too long ago you were begging me to show you how to end things with arrows.”

  
Noire looked at her. Not Sera too. “You’re right. I would still be helpless if you hadn’t taught me proper archery.”

 

\---

“Where are you even aiming? You completely missed the shitsack!” Sera laughed with a snort.

  
Noire, dripping in sweat, shot a glare. “It’s not as easy as it looks.”

  
“Sure it is.” The blonde elf grabbed a mass of arrows, flipped herself back and shot them in masses mid-air, still landing on her feet. “I want to see what it looks like.”

  
That meant it was her turn. It was difficult enough trying to backflip in the first place. “Maker’s breath.” Noire hissed, determined to get this before sundown. Grabbing the mass from her quiver, Noire jumped, turning her body, attempting to shoot her arrows and – she landed on her back, screaming. She had shot an arrow through her foot and gave her leg a good slice.

  
“You have no pain endurance either.” Sera noted.

  
“Why do you think I’m an archer?” Noire said through clenched teeth as she held her leg to her. Cassandra was the first to head over and help the Inquisitor to their healers. Of course the Nevarran was glaring at Sera the whole way back. Mother hen always on duty.

\---

 

That was in Haven...she carried that memory with the scars on her leg. “Your vallasilly or whatever shows with the fire.”

  
Noire quickly brought her hand to her forehead, scowling at Sera. She had gotten her tattoos in flesh-tone so they wouldn’t be so visible. She always felt slightly ashamed for not having worshipped her gods proudly…but something about the marks left a bitter taste on her tongue. “Thank you.” Noire sighed...even though she wasn't sure if it was a compliment.

The blonde elf watched her before standing up and spinning on her heel, “I’m going to my room, yeah. I’ll smell ya later.”

  
While she should’ve gone back to Cullen like she said she would, she found herself heading into the library first, finding Dorian sitting on a chair and flipping through a book. “You still haven’t told me why the most handsome man of Orlais likes to shove his face in dusty pages.” She teased, encouraging his glamorous attitude.

Dorian looked up and smirked before setting his book down. “Good morning, Inquisitor. I see you’re glowing…clearly from last night’s love making.”

Noire punched his arm, “Maker’s breath, Dorian. Don’t announce it to everyone.”

  
“I didn’t. You, however, just did. I was just trying to get you to worry less about bigger events.”

  
Noire’s freckles darkened as her face turned a shade of pink. “You’re such a tease.”

  
His hand was suddenly on her shoulder, “You needn’t worry, dear. You’ll make it back alive. I have every confidence in you and you know I’m always offering my aid.”

  
The Inquisitor smiled, “You’re the best friend I could ask for, Dorian.”

  
“Of course. The same applies to you, dear.”

  
Lavellan wasn’t ever sure what it was, but Dorian was one of the first people she seemed to connect to instantly. She wondered if it was a sense of affection, as he was a very flirty man. But she knew that it was never genuine or intentional, so that wasn’t it. Plus..the way they both fawned over Cullen. Maybe that was it.

  
She remembered the day Cullen and Dorian were at their own game of chess. Dorian was confident he was in the lead, especially when Cullen showed eagerness towards the Inquisitor’s arrival. Of course the commander remained and finished Dorian off without a second thought.  
The Tevinter got up and gently grabbed her arm, whispering in her ear, “I’m rooting for you, dear.” It took a lot of willpower to force the blood not to rush to her face. Dorian would forever be her best supporter.

  
Noire returned to Cullen’s office to see him talking to some of the spies, his voice clearly frustrated. She quickly scanned his face, noting the crinkles in his nose. He only ever had them when his moods were sour, and she loved them to bits.

“Make sure the supply count is accurate.” Cullen ordered as the spy took his leave. The commander sat down in his chair, letting his body relax. He looked at the Inquisitor and smiled, already tired.

“Already used your stamina for the day?” She hadn’t even been gone for very long.

  
He chuckled, blushing ever so slightly, “I’m afraid I used it all last night.”

  
Noire’s face turned far darker than his. How confident he sounded, unlike his usual hesitant and timid self. She walked over and sat on the edge of his desk, facing him in his chair. He placed her hands on her thighs while she settled her hands on his.

“You took longer than I expected. Was Sera up to something?”

“No I went to see Dorian. I wanted to give you plenty of time to catch up on work.”

  
Cullen knew that wasn’t completely true. He knew Dorian was one of the closest people to her, other than himself. “Lavellan, if you need to talk to someone-“

  
She quickly placed a finger on his lips, “I’m scared…but I’m fine. I just wanted to see everyone that I love before I- ..we go to the war table with Morrigan.”

  
He stared into her eyes for a good moment, comprehending what she was saying before gently pulling her onto his lap. “You’ll see everyone when you’ve finished it all.”

  
Noire nestled her nose against his neck, “I’ll return home to you, I promise.”


	2. Dont Want Your Luck to Run Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Corypheus, or according to Sera, Coryphyshit is dead. Now its time to celebrate. Despite Noire's desire to rest, Josephine has the entire occasion planned and needs the Inquisitor to play her role in the celebration.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahh! Warning! I'm placing a sexy scene here. :) Its not awfully detailed..yet. But I havent gotten a feel for it for the two of them yet.

Josephine’s hair was flying out of its perfection as she frantically gathered the Inquisitor’s casual clothing and had the healers not only tend to her wounds but dress her as well.

“Josephine, really. I can dress myself-“ she was cut off when the leather torso piece of lifted over her head, revealing her bare chest. Thank the Maker Cassandra was guarding the door. If anyone had walked in this chaos, she was afraid Josephine would’ve bitten their heads off.

“Make sure you get that blood off of her temple!”

 The healers took cold, not warm, cold water to her face and began to wash it off. Noire frowned, shuddering. They did all they could to close any wounds but they were still sore. Corypheus had managed to take quite the toll on her.

 “Can you stand straight, Inquisitor? You’re about to appear in front of many nobles. Maybe not as many as Halamshiral, but still influential people.” She said, quickly checking things off of a list.

Noire slowly did so, wincing at her bruised back. The dragon did a good job smashing her into the ground with its claws. “Why couldn’t this wait tomorrow night, Josephine?” She’d rather be in bed with Cullen, who would attend to her wounds much more gracefully…plenty of desired backstrokes ran through her mind.

“The excitement is happening now! You proved victorious and what better time to celebrate. We should have fun with the relief.”

 “But you’re not getting any-“

 Cassandra peeked her head in, “They are getting impatient. Is she dressed yet?”

 Josephine turned suddenly to Pentaghast, “Yes but her hair-“

 “Vivienne is not present. The Inquisitor looks fine.”

 As if she spoke too soon, the first enchanter walked in, strutting a simple white and grey gown that made her dark skin glow. “You are too eager, Lady Seeker. I must attend to her make up. Reds as usual, Noire. They do look so fetching with the outer red in your golden eyes.” Lavellan didn’t mind the make up as much. But trying to sleek her insane hair was already deemed impossible…it took a lot of pleas toward Josephine and Vivienne to not put some sort of Val Royeaux paste into her hair. Finally, once the dark rouge shadow was carefully plastered on her eyes, and a slight gold shimmer on her lips, Josephine handed Noire to Cassandra while she took her place with the rest of the council.

 Cassandra crinkled her nose, “I’m sorry you have to endure all of this. You must be tired.”

Noire gave her mother hen a fatigued smile, “Be happy, Cassandra. It’s over. Thank you for fighting him with me.” She gave her friend a gentle squeeze on the hand before walking through the Skyhold camp.

Everyone was staring. _Everyone._ The Inquisitor’s heart beat rather fast as she clenched her fists and awkwardly walked through. She looked up by the stairs to see her advisors watching her. Cullen...watching her. Maker’s breath it didn’t help that the moonlight was glowing right on him.

She took her steps on the stairs, approaching them quietly. Leliana and Josephine were smirking when they glanced at Cullen, who instantly hugged Noire. The dark haired elf buried her face into his lion’s mane, squeezing him. “I kept my promise.” She said quietly. He let her go and smiled at her before holding her hand and approaching the edge, cheering with everyone else.

After Leliana’s report on Solas, as well as letting her know that Noire would be quite the talk for a while, she was left to attend to her party guests. The usual dim-lit throne room had thrice as many candles as well as golden ribbons and Inquisition banners everywhere. The room smelled of freshly cooked meals, meats and cakes. Several people, most of which she had met briefly or never, were sitting at the tables and either clasping ale mugs with one another or tinging their pinot noir glasses.

She saw Cullen across the room by her throne, and every time she tried to advance toward him, nobles and the Inquisition kept interrupting her.

“Inquisitor, have you had any of the food? I’m worried it is disastrous.” A worried voice approached her.

“Josephine, it’s all lovely. I had some sweets and they were wonderful. It looks like Sera and Bull are enjoying them as well.” She observed as the two were mischievously shoving their mouths full.

 Josephine’s mouth dropped open slightly as she scurried over to them, trying to get them to control their manners.

Noire laughed before she turned and was met by Dorian. He was in casual clothing versus an attire equally as fabulous as Vivienne's. Despite this, he still looked devilishly handsome. If they weren't already, if less people knew the truth about him, more would be swooning.

“I thought about going back to Tevinter and fix things up…and I will someday, perhaps. But after all, my very best friend is not there.” He gave her a dashing smile.

“I’m glad you’re staying. If you ever need help back at home…”

“I can rely on you, yes. But enough letting people rely on you. Go enjoy the festivity! Or better yet..” he grabbed her arm and brought her to the throne. Cullen who was talking to someone awkwardly was just as surprised as she was. “Enjoy the evening you two.” Dorian sang as he walked away.

The couples’ faces were glowing pink. “Has Dorian always behaved that way for situations like…”

“..like this? Yes.” Noire rolled on her heel, holding her hands behind her. “He means well.”

“I can see.” Cullen looked at the Tevinter before looking back at Noire, who was already slipping towards her room. “So I might grab some of your attention after all…”

She leaned on the door, smirking, “Always. Although I’d prefer your quarters.” He followed her into the dark. 

After a story of stairs, their eagerness took control of them right when they stepped into her room. The pair instantly smashed against one another, liplocking and pressing their tongues on each other’s. While it was messy, it was passionate. He unbuttoned her torso as she so ‘professionally’ slipped off his mane and unclasped his pauldrons and other armor. Undressed, Noire led them to her bed, falling backwards with him on top, kissing him over and over, running her fingers through his hair. His hands felt her sides and soon her breasts as he began trailing the kisses toward her neck again.

So many unspoken words were being shown through their physical interaction. Most of it was savoring that she was alive and she had come home to him.

Cullen kissed the top of her breast before sliding back up to kiss her lips slowly and tenderly. “I love you.”

Noire brushed her lips along his scar, “I love you, too.”

He inserted himself into her and began with slow thrusts, kissing her with every moment he could. Soon, he began to move faster, Noire’s hands trailing from his hair to his back as she grazed her nails against his muscles. “Cullen.” She gasped, crinkling her toes and soaking in the pleasure.

The commander reached down and grazed his teeth along her neck once more before suckling on her, leaving her a bruise of his own.  A few rougher thrusts and they were nearly there. He slid his hands along her inner arms before pinning her wrists above her head, giving her a teasing kiss as he began to finish. Many grunts on his part and several moans of his name on hers.

Finally, he pushed to the hilt and climaxed, while she arched her back, pressing her torso against his and synchronized with him. Both of them sweaty and love drunk, he rested his head on her chest while she played with his hair.

Noire listened to him catch his breath as she struggled to catch her own. “I wish I could see the stars.” She said suddenly.

Cullen looked up at her, “Why, darling?”

“I never know why…perhaps they assure me that this is all real. That I’m not dreaming.”

“Stars do that for you?”

“I never have stars in my dreams.” She looked at the ceiling again before looking back at him to see he was watching her, wondering what was going through her mind. Quickly, she turned him over and sat on top of him, a leg at both of his sides. His hands traced her thighs and soon her back. She winced at the sudden touch.

“Tender?” Cullen asked, suddenly concerned and sitting up slightly.

“No don’t move. It was sudden. Your hands are cold…it feels nice.” She smiled and closed her eyes. He continued to stroke her back, watching her.

"Noire..”

“Hm?”

“How can my hands be cold?”

She laughed and opened her eyes to look at him, raising an eyebrow, “Cullen..we all know where the blood went.”

His face turned pink, “Andraste’s tits I-“ The blonde smirked at her before digging his fingers into her ribs. She laughed and writhed under his tickling, ignoring the back pain as much as she could. She ended up falling off of his lap and placing herself next to him, which he happily held her to his chest. She felt his skin, smooth with touch despite some rough spots. He was a beautiful fighter. She looked up at him, feeling him fall asleep against her head. Noire gave a soft laugh before snuggling closer to him, kissing his neck softly and falling asleep in his arms.

Come morning and the two were already getting dressed. “Lavellan…I don’t care what happens after this…I’m happy you’re alive.”

Noire took his hand gently before walking outside onto her stone porch. He followed and took her by the waist, allowing her to lean against him, “Me neither.” She said gently, watching the sun rise with him. The sky took on various shades of pink and blue, the light gently washing over the keep. Soon after they heard the rustling of Skyhold as breakfasts were cooked, armory was heating up, and people were rushing about.

“Perhaps we should see how Lady Montilyet is holding up.” the elf suggested, recollecting how scattered she was as she aimed to achieve perfection.

The two walked down from her quarters and into the throne room to find it was already being cleaned. The Inquisitor glanced at Cullen who shrugged in response before they slipped towards Josephine’s office. Which was empty. “Not making sure the cleaning is taken care of..nor writing thank you letters. What in..?” Noire noted out loud.

The couple entered the war room to find all of her advisors, including Morrigan. Cassandra approached her first, “How are you feeling-“ her eyes darted to the bruise on her neck. Quickly she pulled the Inquisitor’s collar up before her eyes darted towards the Commander who was blushing and slipping away quickly before he could be scolded. He also managed to break the awkwardness in the room, “What is all the fuss?”

"We haven’t even gotten a full day of relaxing...if you’ve even started relaxing.” Noire chimed in.

“It may or may not be a serious matter, we are not sure.” Cassandra spoke again.

Leliana turned to them with a letter, “We’ve received a thank you from Empress Celene.”

“Well that’s not so bad.” Noire looked around in confusion.

“As well as a graceful attempt to tell us that she and her court will no longer be holding us in favor.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if it seems rushed. I have a lot of future plots but I still want to write in-between scenes. :>


	3. Forgetting Halamshiral

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Inquisitor's advisors deliver the dark news and possible outcomes of Empress Celene's decision to cut off the Inquisition. Noire is overwhelmed with the sudden decision she has to make. Side with her race or where most of the Inquisition's hearts call home? Cullen is cornered by the women of the council and Noire vents with Cassandra's sword.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahhh. A lot of dialogue! Sorry. I love picturing all of the characters with their voices and accents * u * The next ch. should be much more descriptive.

"So what you're saying is they don't want an alliance with the Inquisition anymore?" the Inquisitor asked, crossing her arms.

 "They were quick to remember who's lives you saved and who's you didn't." Cassandra spoke in.

 "Gaspard's? But-"

 "No, Inquisitor. The empress and her court are being watched by _elves_." Leliana interrupted.

 "Lady Briala." Noire looked at the war table, shuddering. She DID save her life...but a life in exile perhaps wasn't any better than death. "So what does this mean?"

 "For now, we do not know." Josephine said as she scribbled on her board. Cullen noted they were thank you letters. What a multi-tasker.

 Leliana handed the letter to Noire, "For now, it only means we lost a party. After your battle with Corypheus, we still have plenty of nobles willing to aid us. Our influence remains strong."

 Morrigan finally spoke, "If a war were to break out between the court and the elves, which side would you support I wonder, Inquisitor?"

Noire quickly reached up and touched her ears, the letter crinkling in her right hand, "I didn't..."

So this was the _real_ concern. Which side would the Inquisition take? After all, their Inquisitor was elvish. She looked at their faces. Everyone but Morrigan, who seemed more intrigued, looked slightly worried.

"Nothing has happened yet. For the sake of our people and their homes, we remain a neutral party. Just as we did for the mages and templars." she stated.

Morrigan crossed her arms, "How very noble. But I wouldn't call being attacked by a mass of red lyrium and treating mages as equals neutral."

She struck a point. Noire bit her lip. She really did try to respect both parties. Both were practically brainwashed and conditioned, so it was deemed a difficult and near impossible task. One just ended more aggressive than the others.The room held an awkward silence. The Inquisitor had no idea what to say. They were all awaiting an answer. 

Finally, Cullen spoke. Her knight in shining armor. "I do believe the Inquisitor should be given time to hear what the rest of the Inquisition has to say. Perhaps she'll gather an answer then. For now, let us discuss refurbishing supplies."

Noire took that as a sign to leave and quietly slipped out while they were all distracted. "Do you think that is effective, Inquisitor?" Josephine looked up to see her absence, sighing.

Cullen feeling slightly relieved, spoke once more, "The Inquisitor does not need to be present for these situations- erm..ladies?" His face turned shades of red when all four women stood in front of him. "Is ..uh..something the matter?"

"I thought Cassandra made it her duty to watch over the Inquisitor." Leliana spoke, a slight smile curving with her lips.

Cassandra snorted, "He has swept her off her feet and listens to anything he says now."

"Er.." the Commander cleared his throat, fixed his hair and tried standing up straight to stand his ground, "Is that a..problem?" He sounded terribly awkward.

"She's never in her quarters." mumbled Josephine as she signed a 'Thank You' note.

"Your influence is stronger than the rest of ours. Do not take advantage of that." Cassandra pointed a finger at him, the other hand on her hip.

Maker's breath she could be terrifying, "I haven't...I wont. I just want her to rest."

Morrigan nodded, "and she can. But she still needs to think of what's to come."

"Perhaps you should think about the future as well, Cullen." Leliana's smile turned more mischievous.

"E-excuse me?" What were they getting at now? His heart beat faster in his ears.

"I can make the arrangements. The finest gold with your choice of stone. Maybe emerald? No no, ruby for love." Josephine rambled, placing the edge of the feathered quill on her chin.

Andrate's- "Ladies, really. Don't you think you are rushing things?"

"Don't you love her?" Cassandra spoke up.

Cullen's face became a darker shade of red, but his face hardened, "I do."

"Don't let her slip through your fingers, Commander." Who knew Cassandra was a romantic?

Cullen adjusted his armor, "If my attention is no longer required, I will be taking my leave." He began to stride out of the war room.

"Let me know if you need an order for the jewelers in val Royeux!" Josephine called, making Cullen hunch his shoulders awkwardly as he shut the door.

"Josie, you're such a pusher." Leliana smiled.

"What? You all started it." she smiled before continuing the letters.

 

///

 

Cullen walked into his office and leaned over his desk. All _four_  women of the council wanted him to..unbelievable! 

"Marriage." He cleared his throat to adjust the foreign feeling on his tongue. He honestly had not though of it until it was brought up. Wasn't that the first sign that they weren't ready? Maker..what if _she_ was ready?

His heart beat faster in his ears. IT was true he loved her and could spend the rest of his days with her but...but what?

Cullen supposed that was Cassandra's point. A headache grew as he walked behind his desk and slumped into his chair. He ran his fingers through his hair before something caught his eye, shimmering on his desk.

His lucky coin...he picked it up, wondering why it was here since he had given it to Noire.

Quickly, he stood up and left his quarters, looking over and out into the courtyard, seeing if he could spot the Inquisitor. No sign. Immediately, he went to the library, approaching Dorian. "Where is the Inquisitor?" he asked, adjusting his shoulders.

Dorian glanced at him then resumed skimming the book in his hands, "I thought she was looking for you. She came here not some time ago asking if you'd been dismissed from the war room."

"Do you know where she went?" the Commander did his best _NOT_ to sound annoyed. 

"No idea." Dorian looked at him again. There was some sort of mischief in his eyes as though he knew something was up.

"If you see her, let her know I'm looking for her," Cullen dashed away, thinking of the next place she could be.

" _What are you doing with my sword?!_ " He heard Cassandra exclaim from some distance. Quickly he stepped out of the throne room, outside once more. He looked by the targets to see his beloved, trying to pull Cassandra's sword out of one.

"That's not even how you hold it. You've launched all those arrows and your arm strength still hasn't improved?" Sass queen. And she was a candidate for Divine?

"Shut it, Cassandra." Noire was sweating. She put her foot on the target and pulled, "I managed to swing hard enough to get it stuck, didn't I?"

Cullen approached the Nevarran, "What in Maker's name is she doing?"

Noire didn't stop at the sound of his voice. "Relieving frustration, I suppose. With _my_ sword." Cassandra scowled.

"I had it made for you," the Inquisitor retorted. 

"Yes. _For me_." 

Cullen came up behind her, talking her hands. "Cullen, don't-"

"Like this. Pull out in the direction you swung." It was removed smoothly. "Now I see why you're an archer." he gave a chuckle.

The elf just looked at the sword before handing it to Cassandra and leaving the area. The Commander took a step forward before pausing. 

"What are you doing?" Cassandra snapped.

Cullen looked at her, then the elf walking away, "Doesn't she need space?"

"Cullen." her arms were crossed.

Quickly, the commander chased after her, "My dear, let's grab a pint."

She stopped to look at him, then the inn. "Alright."

Once the two got situated, Cullen took a drink before turning to face her. He settled the coin on the counter and slid it towards her. "I'd like to think you just misplaced it."

Noire adjusted in her seat, feeling the mug in front of her. "You needed it more than I did when I left."

"When fighting the head of the enemy, you'd think you'd need it more." Cullen tried his best not to crinkle his brows.

"I kept thinking about how..if something happened to me, what would happen to you?"

"What do you- you mean with the lyrium?" He was drawn aback.

"That was part of it, I admit." She took the coin into her hands, tracing its engravings with her fingers. "But also because I would have needed you to move on." Her voice cracked. The thought of them being torn apart by life and death. "I would never have forgiven myself if I died with it on me. Especially when it means so much to you." The water works were rolling.

Cullen quickly covered her hands with his own, the coin buried in their palms. "You mean more. I would never have thought to given it to you if I didn't value you so highly." He looked into her now puffy eyes. "I would have thought about the lyrium, yes. But, then I'd remember lyrium was associated with the monster who took you." He took a hand and ran it through the hair on the back of her head before pressing his forehead to hers. "I'd never be able to love anyone as much as I love you. It would break my heart to know you died. Perhaps I'd find another love...but she wouldnt be you."

Noire gave a shuddered laugh, smiling. "I'm afraid the lion has completely consumed my heart." she said.

"So has the huntress." He kissed her tenderly, cupping her face with his hand. Noire gripped the coin in her hand, soaking him in. 

"Now are you going to talk to me about a possible war?" he asked as he pulled away slowly.

"In time...I need to collect my thoughts." she said, sighing. "I promise you'll be the first person I go to."

Cullen smiled before brushing her bangs out of her eyes.

The two finished their pints while sharing stories of their childhood, easing the mood. "You convinced your sisters to eat mudpies?" Noire laughed.

"As much as I thought being a Templar required a good fighting noble, I was still a child at times." he laughed with her. The pair finished their laughing before looking outside. The sun was in position to start lowering.

"Let's go on a trip tonight."

Cullen looked at her, raising a brow. "Where? So suddenly?"

She got up, paid the bartender, "Go pack a bag." and she left.

"Noire- " Cullen sighed then turned, pulling out his coins to pay as well.

"The misses paid for you both." 

Cullen stopped before sighing again. What a handful she was...he smiled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apparently I like adjusting Cullen's shoulders


	4. Just Us

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Noire is forcing Cullen to go on a trip with just the two of them and a handful of soldiers. And Cullen has no idea where.

Noire tightened the saddle on her hart a little bit before walking over to his face and stroking his muzzle. She gently took the reigns and led him to the entrance of Skyhold where the rest of the band was. It was just Cullen, a few foot soldiers and herself. Cullen was adjusting his horse when he looked at her, still flustered. "Will you tell me where we are going?"

The elf shook her head, smiling. "It'll ruin the fun."

"Its not fun. Its torture."

She rolled her eyes, "Cullen, you know you did this to me too."

The blonde looked alarmed, "What? I didn't- Are you talking about when I took you to -"

The inquisitor quickly put a finger over his lips, "You told me once you wanted to take me away from all the danger. Let me take you away from all your work. Especially now before it begins again."

His amber gaze watched her, his thoughts processing before he gently pecked her lips and went back to facing his horse. He adjusted the saddle once more before hooking his foot in and swinging around, settling himself on top and clutching the reigns. "Ready when you are, my darling."

Her heart fluttered as she smiled cheesily, hopping up to slide on top of her taller mount. The two rode alongside with the group behind them, leaving Skyhold.

 

///

 

The moon was high as they continued to ride. Hooves clopped in the ground around them, giving the small group some comfort to avoid the stillness of the night.

Cullen looked at his horse's mane, cheeks flushed slightly, "I'll never forget the way you clung onto me the night Haven fell. Your lips were blue and you were the palest I'd ever seen you. I told you it was alright, you could relax...but you stayed awake, even if it was barely." Noire was looking straight ahead, listening quietly. She had started the conversation by telling him how much she hated snow. He took a turn and talked about memories _with_ snow. It was a little abrupt, but the way he was going, she didn't mind. "You even tried talking. It was just my name but your voice was so lost. It took a lot of willpower to settle you down and leave you with the healers. Didn't help that I was worrying about you while arguing with the rest of the council."

"The four of you woke me." Noire said, smirking at him. 

"Did we? I apologize."

"Don't be. It was a turn of event that none of us expected. None of you knew what to do." 

"Mother Giselle had to tell me to go tend to my duties." Cullen continued.

" _What?_ " This part she definitely didn't know about.

"When you...you really don't remember?" His cheeks shaded again. The commander brought a hand to the back of his head, ruffling his hair nervously. "I...When you were finally resting..I sat by you. For a while." He cleared his throat before gripping the reign again. "I literally watched your life return to you. You looked...so soft, and vulnerable. Unlike the Inquisitor I had always seen."

Noire's cheeks matched his now. "A lot of people thought I wasn't mortal."

"We tend to forget with all of the amazing things you did."

She pulled on her hart's reigns, "We'll make camp here. You soldiers relax. Cullen and I will be retiring to our tents."

Once the small and simple camp was set up, the soldiers helped themselves to a fire and enjoyed one another's company, sharing stories about their fights and near-death experiences.

Noire walked through the camp, hands behind her back as she hummed and slipped into Cullen's tent. He looked up and laughed, "I'm not sure why you had them build you your own tent. You and I both knew you'd just come here." He had stripped out of his armor and his mane, wearing only a simple white shirt and his brown pants and boots. 

She took a good look at him before finally realizing he was expecting a response, "Uh- Sorry. Yes. Well...I didn't want to give into their dirty minds right away. Come, let's go while they're distracted." She grabbed his hand and headed for the back end of the tent. 

"Should I grab my swor-" he gave a flustered huff as he was suddenly dragged with her. "Why are we leaving the soldiers?"

"I thought it'd be weird to have them guarding while we had fun."

"Isn't that why you brought them?"

"I brought them so Cassandra wouldn't be mad. Imagine telling her we went on a trip with just the two of us?"

"We've done it before." Cullen repeated, as he had done earlier.

"Yes but that was closer."

Soon they had arrived to the entrance of a cave. She looked at him before slipping in. He was hesitant, but followed her after taking a breath. Noire reached behind her to grab his hand once more, interlocking their fingers as she lead him through. A soft glow began to settle on the rocks..and soon the glow increased. It was a gentle blue..and it was strangely soothing. She pulled him forward more before finally the glowing revealed a small lake, deep within the cave. The glowing came from deep mushrooms embedded everywhere on the walls, as well as some moonlight from cracks at the top of the cave. The water looked like it was shimmering, seeming surreal. "Why here? Is there anything significan-" he turned to her, seeing that she was slipping her armor off. "Maker's breath - give me warning." Cullen brought a hand to his forehead as he got warm really fast.

She laughed, "I'm sorry. I figured after all the times _you_ had undressed me..."

"Yes but I've never seen _you_ undress _yourself_." He looked again to see she was just in undergarments, made of some sort of cloth...linen, he supposed, with how thin it was. She folded her attire and settled it on a rock before walking to the water.  Noire hadn't even stepped in and her skin was already glowing from the mushrooms. It made her look a little paler, but also rather ethereal. He watched her slowly step in, the crystal clear water continuously wrapping around her body as she walked further. He noted the massive bruise between her shoulder blades. It was a deep purple speckled with yellows and greens. He suddenly felt a little bad for having been so rough with her last night. Once she was waist high, she turned to him, her hands touched the surface of the water. 

"Are you joining me, Cullen Rutherford?" she asked, angling her head so that her hair hung just over her eyes, making them look fiercely seductive. Cullen tried his best not to show eagerness as he stripped down to just some linen briefs. He slowly followed her into the water, goosebumps rising on his skin. How was she not cold if he was? He wondered how he couldn't see his own breath. Once he had approached her, he settled his hands around her waist and pulled her to him. "Now, will you tell me where we are?"

Noire settled her hands on his chest, smiling. "We're a little east of Skyhold. I found this place on the way back to the Hinterlands...I was hunting..as you well know," she started to explain, referring to the cart full of pelts she had brought back. "No one else knew about it. Not even Cassandra who made herself a thorn in my hip...I wanted to share it with you." 

Cullen smiled, "Beautiful.." he whispered, gazing into her eyes before brushing his lips onto hers. The kiss eventually got deeper and faster in pace, Noire bringing her wet hands to entangle her fingers into his hair, his arms wrapped around her waist. Somehow, one of the two of them lost their footing and they fell under the surface. The initial surprise broke their liplock before they grinned at each other and Cullen kissed her in the water. After that, they rose up again, Noire's hair slicked back, revealing her forehead, and Cullens already turning into ringlets. She wiped some water off her face before reaching up to touch them, grinning, "I don't think I've seen your hair wet, Ser Rutherford." she teased. 

His cheeks changed color, as usual. He took her hand away from his hair, "Maker's breath, there's a _reason._ " Her smile widened when she realized he was embarrassed about his own hair. Flustered, he playfully covered a hand over her mouth, "Don't look at me that way." 

Despite his efforts, Noire's eyes kept smiling. She gently kissed his hand, in which he removed it in response. He brought it to the side of her face, brushing his finger tips along her ear. Soon his fingers trailed to the tip of her ears, gently and briefly caressing the tip of them. The elf's heart sank as she tried her best to remain calm. She realized it was the first time he had actually..interacted with them. Not that there was much to do with them but..they were still a part of two completely different worlds. She didn't realize Cullen was watching her carefully. She wanted to say something, anything, and he did too. He saw her eyes widen ever so slightly when he touched the tip. Now he wanted to know what was going through her mind. Cullen leaned over and kissed her forehead, "I've known you were an elf since before I decided to pursue you. There's no need to worry, now. Especially now."

She shuddered and kissed his scarf before taking his hand and gently removing it from her ear. "I know. I just don't ever want my knife-ears to bother you. Especially now that a war is risin-" _Smooch!_ He had kissed her, hard and firm. 

As he pulled away he looked at her, serious, "I would prefer you not to use that term anymore. They're lovely, and you don't need to be afraid of what I think." Cullen leaned down to kiss her again, feeling her relax once more.

 

///

 

They had barely slipped on their clothes to walk back to camp before the threw them off in Cullen's tent. They hung their wet undergarments so they'd air dry, leaving the pair completely undressed. Noire cuddled with Cullen, her back facing his chest. His hand was tracing her waist and part of her stomach. He took in her scent with the smell of the cave. It was a strange combination but it still gave him comfort. He sighed happily, his breath tickling the back of her neck. "I do hope I won't have any nightmares to ruin this night." 

Noire turned slightly, just enough to look at him, "I'm always here if you need someone to save you from them." 

He leaned down and kissed her gently, "Always."

She looked at him before looking at his hair again. To put it frankly, it was a mess. The untamed curls made him look like a little boy. She laughed, reaching up to touch them. He pulled away with a small glare, "You're not allowed."

She turned her body to face him completely, taking both of her hands and running them through his blonde locks, "I am." Lavellan smiled and kissed his nose, "I adore you. You don't need to be shy of your hair." Much like she did earlier, he relaxed with her. 

"Alright. For you, I'll allow it." His hand traced the curves of the side of her body now, making the peach fuzz on her body rise with goosebumps. Cullen smirked before pulling the blanket over them, pulling her to him and gently rubbing her back. He could feel her flinch a little every time he touched her tender spot. "When will you ever tell me you're hurting?"

Noire looked up at him, sliding a hand to touch his temple, "When you tell me you're going through a headache."

She was so much like him, and it made him smile. "From now on."

"From now on." she agreed, kissing his scar once more before trailing down to brush her nose against his neck. He rested his chin on her head, continuing to stroke her back, his pace moving slower and slower as he progressively fell asleep.

 

///

 

"Whose idea was it? Leaving without notice?" Cassandra demanded from the two of them. The pair had arrived back by noon and the Seeker was already driven mad. "I was hoping you had eloped. But of course you two were just up to trouble."

The couple's faces turned pink instantly. Noire brushed her bangs out of her face before crossing her arms, "We're back now. That's all that matters."

Cassandra's gaze shot daggers at Cullen, "So it was your idea, then."

The Commander rested his hands on his sword, clearing  his throat, "I'd rather not say whose idea it was. We will be going now. We...uh..have work to do." Both of them scurried off in opposite directions.

Cassandra walked back into the throne hall, taking a left turn at the second door into Josephine's office. "They didn't elope."

Josephine sighed, "I had my hopes."

Leliana quickly entered the room, joining them. "Cassandra..I'm glad you're here, as well."

The Nevarran looked at her, "And what is it you need me for?"

"An agent brought me this letter only moments ago. I thought about opening it but it is addressed to us both."

She held it out to reveal the seal of the Chantry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was just gonna leave it with Josephine...but I figured I should keep the flow going. :)


	5. Battle Flowers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Chantry has finally asked for Leliana's and Cassandra's presence to decide who will be the new divine. On the way, the councilwomen notice something off about Noire. They also stumble upon a leftover Rift that had been missed. The Inquisitor feels obligated to close it but also can't shake the feeling something is amiss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love all of my corny titles.
> 
> /breathes heavily because I've been waiting to write this scene for forever /

The next day, Josephine, Leliana, Cassandra, Cullen, Noire and a select group of soldiers prepared to make the trip to Val Royeaux. The letter had summoned an audience with the candidates. Food was packed into carts while horses were being tended to. The advisors brought out their own supplies and garments, tying the bags to their own steeds. Cassandra looked over at the hart that was still in its stable, munching on some grass. "And where is the Inquisitor?"

Cullen, who was adjusting his saddle once more, looked at her, clearing his throat of any possible concern. "She's getting sick."

" _What?_ " Cassandra looked at him, "What did you do?!"

"Why does it have to be something _I did_?" He huffed, "She woke up earlier than I did, took a bucket and has been getting sick in her quarters. She refused to stay in mine."

"We should go make sure-"

"There's no need, I'm fine." the dark haired elf was pulling her hart out of its stables now, her bags over her shoulders. "I think its something I had eaten for supper last night. I'll be ok."

"I understand you  might feel obligated to speak for Leliana and Cassandra but if you are ill-" Josephine approached the Inquisitor, who was braiding her bangs across the top of her head, keeping it out of her face. 

"I'm fine, Josephine. My family is more important than a silly illness."

Cullen thought she looked horribly cute. It wasn't everyday she tried taming her hair. Turning his steed around, he saw that both the spymaster and the Seeker were smiling to themselves. Noire's efforts to come must've meant a lot to them.

The Inquisitor pulled up next to him, all geared up and ready to go. She gave him a tired apologetic smile. He kissed her cheek and gave her hand a gentle squeeze. 

Everyone mounted up, riding out from Skyhold once more.

///

Cassandra's ear twitched, turning behind her, hearing yet another _crunch_! It took a lot of willpower to not give the Inquisitor a disgruntled expression, as if it wasn't naturally. Noire had been munching on carrots every other hour. She wanted to say something but the Inquisitor looked like she wasn't even aware. She moved her mount forward to at least get some distance from the noise, and found that Josephine and Leliana were also talking about the matter.

"She was sick this morning and now she's eating carrots like her stomach does not end!" Josephine stated, confused.

"Maybe she's making up for what she lost." Leliana suggested.

"No. Its too soon. She'd be throwing all of it back up right after eating it."

Both of the women suddenly fell silent, looking at each other.  " _What?_ " Cassandra demanded.

The two looked behind them and toward the Seeker, "Don't you think the Inquisitor's face has gotten fuller, Lady Seeker?" Leliana spoke up.

"No. Her hair is up. She's always had quite the cheekbones."

"Perhaps." Josephine replied, glancing at Leliana.

"Maker, I'll just go ask how she is feeling." Cassandra huffed, pulling back to ride next to the snacking elf. "How are you feeling now, Inquisitor?"

She looked like she had been pulled out of a deep thought, looking at Cassandra with wide eyes, "I'm great. Have you had some of these carrots? They're _so_ good. I just keep craving them." She held out one to offer to her friend.

Cassandra held up a hand, "I'll pass." The Inquisitor shrugged and chomped down on it, going back into thought. The Seeker trotted forward back to the other ladies, "She's just craving them."

"I don't suppose Cullen has noticed a difference," Leliana thought aloud.

"If Cassandra hasn't, then Cullen hasn't." Josephine sighed.

What in...? Cassandra made a disgusted noise, and decided keep to herself once more.

While Noire finished her last carrot for the hour, Cullen smiled and spoke, "I'm glad you're feeling better." 

"I think I had to just get whatever it was out of my body," she sighed, placing a hand over her stomach. "I felt pretty gross."

Suddenly, a crack sounded the air, her hand glowing a familiar green. She held it up before looking at the Commander, who looked back at her then ahead at the rest of the group, "Stop! We make camp here!"

"What is the meaning of this?" Cassandra asked. She was clearly getting cranky already.

"I missed a rift in the area." Noire sounded shot. How could she make a mistake like that?

"We do not have enough troops with experience to help you and Cassandra close it, Inquisitor." Leliana told her. "We are also right in between Val Royeaux and Skyhold. If anything were to go wrong-"

"I've closed plenty of rifts, don't worry." the elf smiled, sliding off her hart to help set up camp. "We can't just leave it here to harm anymore of the innocent."

 

///

 

"Noire?" Cullen peeked into their tent to find she wasn't there either. He had already gone through the whole camp looking for her. Finally, he decided to check the area around the camp. As though his feet were guiding him through the melting snow and blooming plants, he found her sitting in the middle of a wildflower field. "There you are," there was some relief in his voice.

She looked behind her, giving a big grin, "Aren't they lovely?"

The sun made her pale skin glow and darkened her already black hair. Cullen walked over and sat by her, picking some flowers, "Are you ready? We'll move out in an hour."

Noire looked straight ahead, "I'm always ready." She heard the soft snapping of stems stop and felt a stare loom over her. Quickly she looked at him, "Alright, Alright. You know me too well. I'm horribly nervous. Something doesn't feel right about this rift. I'm either embarrassed I missed it or its brand new...both of those thoughts scare me."

"It's probably leftover. You must've closed hundreds of rifts. We know you can do this and we know its possible for the Inquisitor to make mistakes." He leaned over to her, placing the wildflowers into her braid.

She smiled, "Words of wisdom."

Cullen chuckled, "Glad you think so." He finished adorning her and leaned back to look at his masterpiece. Could she look anymore pixie-like? "It's a good look on you."

Lavellan looked at him again, "The flowers?"

"Hair out of your face," he corrected and kissed her temple. She happily leaned into his kiss, noting the feeling of his stubble per usual. The two then sat for a moment, enjoying the cool breeze and the sun.

" _Once we were in our peace with our lives assured,_ " Cullen looked at her, surprised to find her suddenly singing. Normally she'd say he was the one humming about. Her vocals weren't perfect, but the lyrics and tone matched with the bard's pretty well. He remembered her saying something about how she particularly liked the tune of this one the most. In fact, whenever they were at the inn, he could've sworn the bard was always singing it...He laughed at the thought before resting his head on her lap and closing his eyes.

  
" _Once we were not afraid of the dark,_

_Once we sat in our kingdom with hope and pride,_

_Once we ran through the fields with great stride_ "

Noire looked down at him, now gently caressing his face and running her fingers through his hair. She saw his face relax and how much he looked like a young boy.

" _We held the Fade and the demon's flight,_

_So far from our children and from our lives,_

_We held together the fragile sky_

_to keep our way of life._ "

The breeze came again, the trees rustling and the flowers shifting with the wind. Noire looked back out into the distance, looking at the grassy plains patched in snow slush. She began to hum the rest of the song, still playing with her Commander's hair. While she hummed, he spoke, "I know we won't ever live a normal life. I'd like to imagine we would but it'd be a long time before either of us could even consider the idea. While we're both warriors, we're both beings who have needs too." She listened, looking at him and watching his lips move as he spoke. Her hands continued to slide and follow the hair pattern he creates when he styles it, slipping it back. "I'd be willing to manage both..as long as it were with you." 

Her humming stopped but her hands didn't, "Me too."

Cullen's eyes flickered open, looking up at her, "Noire...would you want to spend the rest of your life with me?"

Now, her hands stopped. Part of her suddenly became flustered and the other part of her felt hurt. "Of course I would. I thought I'd told you before." She leaned down and kissed his forehead.

His face turned pink, putting his hands over his eyes, "Maker..no. That didn't come out right. I meant-"

"Inquisitor!" 

Cullen quickly sat up as Noire moved her hands to reach for her bow. The Commander was surprised he didn't notice it, as it was so close to them. She really was ready. "What is it?" she called back to the scampering soldier, who was out of breath. The Commander crinkled his nose...looks like it'd be endurance practice for the troops when they got back.

"The rift.." the soldier placed his hands on his knees, taking deep breaths, "The rift opened! There are creatures of the fade already slipping out of it!"

Before Cullen could say anything to her, she was already up and moving. He sighed, "This is exactly the point I was making." He got up and followed her, clutching the handle of his sheathed sword.

"Cassandra!" Noire called once she stepped into the camp. The Seeker quickly stepped up to her, buckling any loose armor, "I'm here, Inquisitor. Let us get this over with." 

"I'm coming, too." Cullen said, his jaw locked. Noire opened her mouth to dismiss him but Cassandra had already spoken, "We could use you, I'm sure." The elf glared at her before running into the direction of the rift, the two following her shortly.

It was down a rocky slope, tucked behind some massive boulders. Noire withdrew her bow, placing an arrow into it as she carefully stepped down the hillside, watching to make sure she didn't lose her footing from the loose rocks. 

 "Thank the Maker, they're just wraiths." Cassandra relaxed a little bit, pulling her shield off her back and sliding her sword out. Cullen followed her lead, his own shield and sword in his hands. 

"Don't relax yet, Cassandra. You know how these work." She quickly stepped ontop of a boulder, knelt down and pulled the drawstring, aiming at one of the ghostly figures. After the release, the arrow whistled and sliced right through the wraith, which hissed and vanished. Knowing the drill, Cassandra charged in, shield in front and bashed into another one. Cullen was next to the Seeker, slicing at the third one. Before either of them could raise their sword once more, Noire aimed and shot at the last one. Both the warriors looked at her in a little bit of frustration as they were in stance. The elf shrugged, smiling mischievously. 

The rift cracked behind them, stirring as its green rays bit at the earth. The warriors who were still looking at her didn't realize that a greater terror had appeared behind them. Noire's eyes widened as she opened her mouth to speak but it looked like Cassandra and Cullen were trying to say something to her in return. Suddenly, a piercing screech sounded behind her alongside with a sudden force hitting her and knocking her over. Ears ringing, she stumbled to get back up and draw her bow. A smaller terror knocked her back, swiping its hand across her stomach with a strong push. The Inquisitor screamed, slamming into the ground once more and tasting the dirt. She let out pained moans, grabbing the earth and trying to look by the rift. The ringing had yet to leave her ears, causing her head to sway. The greater terror screeched as well, shoving Cassandra back before heading towards Cullen who was taunting it.   
_No._ Noire thought, trying to stand up. She fell again, the snow, slush and mud mix sliding under her. Petals from her hair wilted and fell into the mud. She looked up again, seeing the glimmer of the Commander's sword, swinging toward the terror. 

_No. Please._ she thought again, looking behind her now to see the smaller terror finally approaching her. Noire reached behind her, pulling an arrow from her quiver. She looked around for her bow but saw it was behind the fade fucker. Groaning, she stood up slowly, the bone-thin creature trudging over to her. She screamed, taking some fast steps towards it, tackling it and stabbing its head with her arrow. Its face right next to the side of her own face, it screeched again. Pain stabbed into her ear as she screamed with it, but in pain. She stabbed the arrow into it once more, practically on top of the beast. Finally it fell over, limpless, bringing her down with it. She slid off of it, head feeling like it was going to explode. She looked up once more. Instantly, her eyes widened and watered as her mouth opened to make a noise...scream or speak. But it felt like the wind had been knocked out of her. 

_No. No. No. No._

The greater terror had smacked her beloved, causing him to lose his footing and slam into a boulder, the back of his head hitting it hard. She watched him slump to the ground like a ragged doll. Cassandra taunted it back to her, trying to run it away from him. After a much needed wheeze and gasp..." _No_!" Noire screamed, hot tears rolling down her dirty face as she quickly snatched her bow, sprinted down the field and aimed at the terror. First time she missed, second time she shot its back. Adrenaline pulsed, her temples pounding with her heartbeat as she glared and shot more. She knelt down and aimed carefully, just as Sera had taught her, and released a piercing arrow. It sliced through the terrors neck, giving Cassandra the opportunity to kick its torso, knocking it down and stabbing it into the earth. It gave a pathetic screech before falling limp. Instinctively, like a string was pulling it, her hand raised into the air, connecting with the rift. Once she felt the energy build up, she swiped her hand away, its the rift collapsing and its crack echoing. The Seeker quickly looked at Noire who began to stumble toward her direction. She gasped and held up her hands, trying to get her to stop, "Inquisitor! Don't move! You're bleeding!"

_Cullen, please._  

Lavellan looked at Cassandra before looking at her body. "I'm bleeding?" Her inner thighs were darker than the rest of her gear. She slid a hand to touch the shaded cloth and looked at her hand to see it had picked up red. Adrenaline gone, she heard the ringing return and her vision blur, causing her to lose her balance and collapse into the earth once more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I got so into it I almost forgot to make her close the rift. ;) Maybe thats why she missed it the first time?


	6. Lion's Den

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The aftermath of the stupid rift. Lots of lil surprises.

It felt hot...with a wind that made it even hotter. Her mouth was so dry that her cracked lips could not even be saved by the little saliva she produced. Her hair ruffled against her forehead, tickling her skin. Her eyes slowly opened, but her lids felt heavy as though she had been sleeping for a long time. The task seemed much more difficult than it normally should've been. Breathing also proved difficult as her throat was dry and felt closed. With a small wheeze, the Inquisitor propped herself up with her elbows and looked at the environment around her. A desert...with some dry shrubs and maybe a jungle of sorts in the distance. She sat up more, the sand falling off of her. Noire settled her hands on her knees before pressing down on them to stand up slowly. She was in her Skyhold clothing, which happened to be almost the same color as the safari around her. She quickly noted she had no defenses, no weapons...so the camouflage was much appreciated. Noire leaned over and brushed any sand out of her hair before realizing..she brought her hand down. Instantly she flipped it over, then looked again, touching her palm with her other hand. _The mark was gone._ She stood straight again before looking around. The jungle would be her best bet for survival. 

Her walk had already seemed so long but she knew she hadn't even moved that far. It was like she was in horrible shape...aside from the clear lack of water. She stopped for a moment to breath, and soon she realized she wasn't alone. A muscular and massive lion stood next to her,  his auburn mane shining. He looked at her, eyes fierce and confident. As much as she wanted to be intimidated, she felt more drawn to him more than anything. It took her a minute to realize he had a cub in his mouth. The Inquisitor sat on her knees and held out her arms in which the lion placed the cub into them and sat down, watching her. Lavellan ran her hand across the cub's head, feeling his soft ears, noting the fur color. He was curled up from having falling asleep in his father's mouth. But at her touch, his eyes opened and he looked up at her with the same amber gaze. Noire looked up to compare the two but had found that the lion was gone. She looked around to see if he had walked away..but he had just disappeared. The elf looked back at the smaller cat who was stretching and reaching a paw towards her. She kissed it gently which surprised him, his ears twitching and his eyes watching her. Unlike the lion's, the cub's eyes seemed sad. With the little water left in her body, hot tears rolled down her sandy face, leaving small wet and muddy trails down her cheeks. The elf held the cub to her, resting her head against it and feeling its fur. "I'm so sorry." she spoke, voice dry and shaking. 

Suddenly, the heat from the cub left her hands as it quickly grew cold. She pulled away to find it had gone limp. " _No!_ " She ran her hand across its head once more, throat closing even more than it was. Noire couldn't talk anymore, making rasps and wheezes instead, trying to make out any noise. She pressed her face in its tummy fur, sobbing and struggling to breath.

 

Noire wheezed awake, sitting up in spring action and bringing her hands to her throat. Her bangs were waved and in her face once more. Quickly, a pair of hands were placed over her wrists and gently pulled away from her. They left her for two second before returning with a glass of water. She eagerly took it and drank it, chugging it down like she really had been in the desert. Catching her breath, she wiped the water off her chin before focusing on who was at her bedside. 

"You can't go anywhere without me, can you?" His voice purred. Dorian sat at the edge of her bed, barely smiling, even though his voice was whimsical. 

"Dor-" Raspy. She cleared her throat. "Dorian..what are you doing here?"

"After what happened..Leliana sent someone to get me. She knew you'd be needing me at your side when you had woken up."

After listening to him, it dawned on her she had no clue where she was. The breeze was warm, but not as hot as it was in her dream. She looked to her right to see a massive window with silk curtains blowing. A wind-chime hung in the window frame, gently _chingling_ with the breeze. Noire gripped the bed sheets, "Are we in Val Royeaux?"

"Unfortunately."

Alright. So they made an effort to make it towards the city. It must've been a difficult decision, which she would have to thank them for making one in the first place. It could not have been easy. "What...happened, Dorian?" She knew the answer. But she needed to hear it for herself.

"You, my silly Inquisitor, ran into a rift so eagerly with just you, the Seeker and the Commander."

 _Commander._ She gasped and looked at him, eyes wide and already watering, "Cullen! Where is he?! Is he ok?"

Dorian held up his hands, "He's alive. Let me finish." How could she let him finish?! Alive was so vague! "While you three managed to close it, it came at a heavy cost. Leliana called for me from Skyhold and I quickly arrived to Val Royeaux a day or so after you all had. It was quite the exhausting trip as we didn't make camp til the moon had been high for at least a couple of hours." He rolled his eyes with a groan. "But I needed to know you were ok."

"How's Cassandra?"

"The sturdy queen she is, she took a few surface level scrapes and wounds. She did bruise her forehead, though. She's been asking how you two were."

"And the Divine?"

"Has not been decided yet. Leliana and Cassandra both went to plea to the Chantry to extend the time for the hearing. They agreed, but not without some fight."

Noire took an unsteady breath. One more question.  "How long have I been out?"

"Just four days. You needed time to heal..you lost a lot -.." Dorian trailed off, as though he remembered something. His mouth was gaped open slightly before his lips pursed, clearly thinking of a way to say the next part.

"Dorian? - "

"Inquisitor there is something I must tell you. Leliana said this had to come from my lips and mine alone." He looked at her seriously. It was one of the occasions where he had to be the most serious he could be. His eyes were hard with worry as his face shadowed slightly. He gently took both of her hands into his, "My dear friend...I regret to inform you that you were with child."

Noire's heart sank to the bottom of her stomach. "I was... _pregnant_?" Images of the cub and the lion from her dream rippled through her mind...its limp and cold body... _No way._

"Leliana had said she and Josephine had suspected so along the way of the trip...and your loss confirmed it."

Lavellan gasped as she realized now why she had bled between her legs. "But..I dont understand. How could I have.. _lost_.." her voice faded at the word. It felt dirty..horrible..a sort of sample of how she felt when she watched Cullen get hurt. It took her a moment to breath before she continued, "..Why didn't I lose it when fighting with Corypheus?"

"We were wondering the same question. Until Cassandra suggested it was because of me." The elf looked at him, confused. "I won't lie, Inquisitor. I'm a little hurt you wouldn't have recognized it." He settled her hands onto her lap before crossing his arms, "I had a barrier on you while the dragon crushed you. Its why you got away with tender muscles and a bruise." Noire brought her arm behind her head and touched between her shoulder blades. 

"So the baby fought through it with the help of you...and because you weren't there this time..." Her eyes were watering again. 

"My you catch on fast, even in a weak state...Yes. Its a theory...but very probable. " Dorian took a minute to think about it again. It was an incredibly strange circumstance. The Tevinter finally looked at her once more, "You musn't blame yourself, Noire. You were trying to do the right thing and none of you expected the fade creatures to behave as they did. You and I both know surprise attacks are rare from them." The tears would not stop. They kept rolling, hot on her skin. 

"I would've been a mother, Dorian. His child.." she touched her hand over her stomach, feeling sick. "I don't know what I would've done."

He raised an eyebrow, "I'd assume you would've raised it with him."

"It's a lovely thought..and the baby would've been so beautiful, just like him. I just..it wouldn't have lived a normal life."

Dorian smirked, "Well with such a bold uncle, I don't see how it could have."

She gave a tired laugh before giving him a look. However, her face saddened quickly right after. "How is Cullen?"

"Ah, right. He's alive. But he hasn't woken up yet. He hit his head pretty hard, but his chest is rising and breath is coming out of his nose."

The Inquisitor removed the sheets, "I want to see him." She ached for him. Noire had spent weeks away from him before,  but she was consciously aware that he was hurt.  

Dorian set his hand on her shoulder to set her down before she stood up again. "There's one more thing." 

The Inquisitor couldn't help but feel annoyed, frowning and glaring slightly, gently removing his hand from her shoulder. "Yes?"

"Even though the behavior of the creatures might have been strange alone..we are missing the biggest picture. That rift shouldn't have been there in the first place."

And it dawned on her. She took a heavy breath before gripping the edge of the bed. She _knew_ something was off. How could it have been 'leftover' if the Breach was closed for good? It wouldn't have made sense for all. But here it was. She ran her fingers through her hair, feeling the cold sweat and shivers take over her body like she had a cold. Noire took a shuddered breath, trying to keep calm. Would it ever be over? Not for her, apparently. She looked at Dorian, eyes watering, "But how..?"

He crossed his arms and angled his head, "We would be able to answer that better if Solas, our fade studying friend, had stayed with the party. But we both know that option is currently not convenient. So, I rode here with Morrigan. After I had heard what had happened, I went to her. I figured, you know, such an intelligent woman would know. Especially since she's a part of that..fountain-well thing." He cleared his throat before continuing, "When we arrived, we started brainstorming for solutions. There is a very probably one that you will not like to hear." 

But she knew. It was a screaming image in her head and it was on the tip of her tongue. Lavellan looked at him, waiting for him to say it and get the elephant out of the room. " _You_ created the rift." The Inquisitor's heart sank once more, feeling heavy. Even though she had been sleeping for so long she felt exhausted. Dorian continued, "Theoretically, the anchor was and is attached to you. You have had just no means of using it because Corypheus has died."

"Then _why_ would I make one?" Her voice sounded a little bit like a plea.

"That is where she and I fell short." Disappointment dripped in his voice. She could see he was trying to help. Noire reached out to him and took his hand once more, smiling, "Thank you, Dorian. I know you're trying."

He smiled before pulling her up gently, "Let us go see your Commander."

Noire left the room with a blanket wrapped around her, clutching the edges to the center of her chest. She was hunched over, so she appeared much like an old lady. Of course she was oblivious to this..and Dorian found it a small amusement in the time of dismay. He appreciate it to himself as he escorted her a couple rooms down. He stopped in front of the door, grabbing the handle before she could.

"What are you doing?" She frowned again, drawing back her hand and adjusting the blanket. 

"I'm just making sure...you're alright." Dorian looked upon her for a moment. He _did_ just tell her a lot of news. All of which revolved so greatly around her. He nodded before swinging the door open. 

The light of the room was just as bright as hers..and she could see silk curtains flowing with the breeze just like in hers. However, the room had stained glass in the ceiling, giving the room a variety of colors. Noire peeked around the door more and...there he was, lying on the bed. His hands were resting on his stomach and his skin was milky, giving her the image that he was a corpse. It took a moment, but she saw his stomach rise and she felt her heartache unravel so slightly. She clutched the blanket harder before walking over to him. He was wearing his thin long sleeved undershirt and his casual pants while his armor rested across the room on a lounge chair. Noire sat on the edge of the bed and looked at his chiseled stubbled jawline..the scar on his lip, his eyelashes, his curls..his forehead that was covered by a bandage to hold cloth to the back of his head. "Oh Cullen.." she breathed, eyes watering rapidly. She dropped the blanket and covered her eyes with her hands, whimpering, her shoulders shaking. "I'm so sorry. This could've been my fault." She continued to cry, sounding the silent room alongside Cullen's heavy breaths. Dorian stood a distance behind her, watching quietly.  The Inquisitor leaned down and rested her head on his chest, listening to his heartbeat and stroking one of his wrists with her thumb. "We both know that's really my heart in there." she said quietly, looking up at him. He remained still, breathing in his rhythm. "Come back to me." Fresh hot tears rolled down onto her cheeks, dampening his shirt. She removed her hand from his wrist and reached up to stroke his jaw, feeling the brush of his faint beard. Lavellan propped herself up again and brought her face close to his, feeling his breath on her skin, picking up his scent. She would have rather been in his bed with him now...Noire leaned down and gave his lips a slow and firm kiss, fitting perfectly. Reluctant to break it, she slowly moved away, watching his face as though there might be a chance -- ..like a fairytale. But alas, she gave herself false hope and he remained in the stance he was in when they entered the room. She stood up and turned to Dorian, wiping her tears hastily off her cheeks and picking the blanket off the floor, "I'm sorry. Let's go find the others now." 

Dorian pushed himself gently off the wall, as he had been leaning on it. "Ready when you are, Noire." He held the door open for her. 

She began to head toward it before out of the corner of her eye she saw his things again. She stopped, folded the blanket into a square, set it next to his things and felt her hand draw to his signature mane. She slipped her arms through the vest part before wrapping the center pieces around her. It was of course a little big on her, but it made her feel warmer. The Inquisitor smiled at the mage who was still watching her, "Ready."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would like to make sure you guys realize when she was pregnant, it wasnt from the sexy scene I gave them. That would be highly unrealistic. Its why I mentioned the baby survived Corypheus. Because, also, realistically, Cullen and Noire would have already had intercourse by then, and probably multiple times. :)


	7. Could've Been One of Them

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Noire speaks for a new Divine and we get to see what Cullen is going through.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> GUYS. THE KUDOS ARE GIVING ME SMILES.  
> I mean Im not writing for them because I'm really enjoying my plot line,  
> but they're so encouraging! Thank you!!!  
> You are not unnoticed! :)

Lavellan stepped into the lounge where Leliana, Cassandra, Josephine and Morrigan were sitting on couches, eating quietly. Cassandra was the first to notice the Inquisitor's presence, "Inquisitor!" Everyone stood up in synchronization while Morrigan remained seated and observed them. 

Noire approached Cassandra, "How is the Chantry holding up?"

"They will be fine. We want to know about you."

Leliana spoke up, "We are sorry for your loss, Inquisitor."

The elf gave a half-hearted smile, briefly touching her lower stomach, "There's no way anyone knew for sure. None of us could've known this would happen." 

An awkward silence filled the room as the three women sat back down. Noire adjusted the mane before sitting down in a love seat, Dorian quickly joining her and helping himself to any treats on the table. Morrigan continued to watch while Cassandra stared at the petite plate in her hands, Leliana nibbled at her food and Josephine shifted in her seat.

The Antivan finally broke the silence, "With all that's happened, we've agreed that you do not have to speak for a divine anymore."

" _What?_ But I want to. I already know what to say." She felt hurt.

"Knowing that you came was good enough for us. We know how serious you are and-" Leliana tried reasoning but saw Noire's glare.

"I'm _going_ to speak. I want to help one of you successfully become the divine. You both told me it would be impressive to have the Inquisition's support, so I'm here to give it."

"But Noire-" Cassandra began. Lavellan held up her hand and shook her head, "No Cassandra, this is my decision" She stood up and began to leave, "Let the chantry know I'm awake and we can get this started."

"Oh but we were just enjoying the meal!" Dorian gave a playful sigh before standing up to go with her. "Ladies." He nodded to them, taking his leave.

Once they were gone, Morrigan finally spoke, "It is in her nature to lead. It is part of what makes her so successful. You all should know better than to assume she would back down from something you hold as valuable."

"Frankly, Morrigan, a lot of people find this decision valuable. It's important." Leliana replied, setting her plate on the table in front of them.

///

Noire slipped some of her armor on underneath Cullen's mane. She had to buy a new pair of pants however, which were strangely tight around her arse. She put her boots back on and began to walk to the chantry.

Leliana and Cassandra were sitting in chairs next to the door. They looked at her with both eagerness and worry. "They want you to speak without us in the room so that there is no bias," the Spymaster explained.

"How there isn't already bias, I am unsure," Cassandra snorted.

"Thank you," Noire smiled, creaking the door open.

"Good luck," Leliana said as she stepped in.

She walked into the middle of the room, looking around. Several members were sitting high above the ground, circling her in rows. Noire noted there were even people behind her as she entered the room. The room made her feel awfully small.

"Lady Inquisitor, Noire Lavellan, Elder One slayer and Herald of Andraste." Man...she didn't realize the array of titles she had collected within the year. She also noted the Chantry still called her "Herald." They must've not known. "Here to speak in the presence of the Chantry for her suggestion on the new Divine." the announcer sat down with the rest of the council.

All eyes were definitely on her now. She stroked the mane briefly, cleared her throat, then spoke, "Good people and council members of the Chantry, I ask you to generously take into account my words as I speak to you about your next Divine." She took a moment to look around, showing she was speaking to all of them. "You have chosen wisely for your candidates, I could not agree more with them. Both women proved their abilities of leadership, decision making, and counseling. But they also grew to respectfully rely on others and ask for aid when necessary. Cassandra and Leliana are both fighters. They both believe in something and fight to prove their beliefs are worth for other people to hear and breath. They both want to rebuild. Cassandra wants to start anew with the remnants of tradition while Leliana wants to bring completely new and fresh change to the lands of Orlais and Ferelden. Change is not something to be afraid of, especially when both of these women want goodness in the countries. They both have incredible drive and they have mine and the Inquisition's full support. "

"And if you were among us, Inquisitor, as a council member, who would you put your vote in for?" A flemmy old man voice spoke up. 

She knew the question would not be avoided. "I'm afraid I cannot answer that. Both are an admirable woman. "

"Yes but if you _had_ to choose-"

"I'm afraid that is for you good people to decide." Noire stroked the mane briefly again before smiling and spinning on her heel and walking out. A small wave of confidence took over her as she burst through the doors, making the two candidates stand up and follow her.

"Well?" Cassandra asked.

"I've buttered them up for both of you." Lavellan said, smirking. 

"Shouldn't you have chosen just one of us?"

Noire stopped and looked at both of them. "I believe you both would make wonderful Divines. And you're both important to me. I cannot simply choose. If you wanted an absolute decision you could've asked _Cullen_ to represent the Inquisition."

Fuck. Noire felt like her heart stopped for a moment when she remembered. "Inquisitor?" Leliana asked, crossing her arms with worry.

"I haven't eaten at all today. I think I'll go out with Dorian and get myself some food." She quickly strode away before they could make another sound.

 

///

 

Fingers trailing along a stone wall, the feel and smell of the place was all too familiar. But he couldn't put his finger on where..exactly. Then there _she_ was. Her hair in her ponytail, make up perfectly distinguishing her facial structure, her obnoxiously large staff and her robes that represented her people... _the Warden. The Hero of Ferelden._  Now he knew where he was..The Circle Tower. She turned to him, giving him a smile. Her soft brunette hair framing her face and hiding some of how round it was. But he didn't care. Cullen approached her, sliding his hands onto her waist and pressing his forehead against hers, "I never thought I'd see you again. You are just as beautiful as the first time I saw you." Her staff slipped out of her hand as she silently wrapped her arms around his neck. Then her soft lips touched his, giving him a tingling sensation. It was as if he had wanted nothing more in the world..and he felt like a _bad boy_ for wanting it. She broke the liplock and leaned back to trace the Templar symbol on his chest armor. He watched her delicate hands then looked at her sad facial expression. They both knew it wasn't meant to be. Cullen quickly snatched her hands and held them up, kissing them gently, "My lady, we can fight this. I wont let another one of my men harm you. Mage or no mage, I care for you." Her face brightened quickly, her brown eyes shining with happy tears as she leaned in for another kiss.

"Get. Away. From her." It was a disgusted tone..in fact, it was angry. Cullen turned around quickly to see an arrow peaking out of the shadows, and soon after an elf stepped out with it. " _Lavellan..._ "

Noire was caught off guard for a moment before tightening her arrow again, "Get away from her body, you monster."

 _Monster? Her body?_ Cullen looked behind him again to look for the Warden only to find she was bleeding from her chest...and his sword was through her. _What?!_ He looked around to see where he was and he saw that they were on a hillside. Noire pulled her string again, "Move the fuck away!"

The Templar looked down at his chest and saw the glowing red gems protruding from his chest. _Maker... **no**. _ He looked up at Noire again, _My love! Its me!_ "Just in the process of getting rid of heroes, Inquisitor. You're on the list too. Should we take care of that? I think the Elder One would appreciate that. I could just bring him your hand." _No. What are you doing?!_ "Shut up!"

 _"_ Insane. Just like the rest of the Red Templars." She shot an arrow at a crystal that emitted from his shoulder. He glared at her turned and pulled his sword out of the Warden and headed towards her.   _You love her. and she loves you._ But he still held his sword with a tight grip, furrowing his brow as she shot another arrow into his chest. "Don't step any _fucking_ closer!" she screamed. She was crying now. _Why are you crying? Do you know who I am?_ She appeared just as confused as he was, struggling to wipe her tears as she held her bow up again. Cullen smacked it aside, her hands limp and letting go of it as he held his face in front of hers. She looked so sad. "It hurts seeing you like this. More than the others. and I can't figure out _why_." He dropped his sword and ran a hand through her hair, removing it from her forehead. He kissed her freckled skin, feeling her blood pulse under his lips. Something sharp ground against his gut, "Stay away from me!" Noire's lips were quivering. She was so lost. 

"You liked her..and you betrayed her! You can't use those charms on _me_." She dug her knife deeper into his stomach, making him cough and wince in pain.

"But you know I love you." He finally had control of his own words. But, next thing he knew, he was standing by the door in his office. He heard slamming on the bookshelf and looked up to see him yelling, the Inquisitor in front of him. Another Noire stood next to him, watching silently, "I should've told you not to take it. Then you would have gotten to learn how to breath. Instead you became so emotionless."

 _What?_   He looked back at the other pair and saw that she nodded and he had hesitated, but picked up a vial on his desk and took a drink. "That's not what happened!" he exclaimed. He turned to the Noire next to him and cupped her face with both hands, "You told me not to. You saw what it did to me. It hurts, Noire.." Cullen gasped suddenly and felt his stomach hurt. He looked to see that he was bleeding from his stomach. He crinkled his nose before looking up to see she was gone. "Lavellan..." He suddenly felt so alone..and that all he had was his lyrium. He had seen if he hadn't joined the Inquisition..if they agreed he needed to continue on lyrium..

"You can let me worry about you a little." He straightened his head and looked around. Her voice. Then his. A small laugh. "All right." He knew when this was. The first time she had spent the night with him..the conversation the morning after. "You are..I have never felt anything like this." 

"I love you...you know that, right?"

"I love you, too."

He remembered seeing her body for the first time. Freckled, pale and smooth. She was absolutely stunning while she unbuttoned her shirt by the candlelight on the table. He couldn't tear his eyes off of her. His favorite was the way she got hot under his touch, her face pink. Noire was the most vulnerable she had ever let him see..and he knew that. She trusted him with her that night. Right then and there he knew he loved her more than he realized. He was ready to give himself completely to her. Her cool hand touched his face...and he could feel it now. So refreshing against his burning skin. 

He opened his eyes. They felt like they had been sewn shut they were so heavy. He looked around to see the room was dimly lit..a warm breeze passed through his room and he looked to see the window was open and the sun was going down. _Val Royeaux._


	8. Beside Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cullen & Noire are reunited~ and don't seem to hesitate taking advantage of their time together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NSFW EVENTUALLY!!!
> 
> Fair warning! 
> 
> Also;; sorry it took me so long to write again!  
> I've been writing in my free time, I just needed to get around to actually typing.

A headache. Pulsing and throbbing more than lyrium could do. The Commander felt the back of his head, hissing in pain when he made contact with the bandage. His fingers followed the clock to his forehead before they slid down to rub his temple. 

"Commander!"

Cullen looked to see Josephine holding a tray with what looked like a pitcher, a bowl and a towel. Steam was coming from the pitcher. Her face was in shock before her eyes watered up, "Thank the Maker you woke up!" She dropped it all, walking over quickly to hold him. He gave a dry chuckle, hugging her in return. "It was my turn to wash you," she explained, wiping her tears. "We all insisted on helping you recover."

The Antivan must've seen the shock and embarrassment on his face, causing her to smile, "Just your torso, Cullen. Only one person cleaned _all_ of you."

He felt relieved, knowing exactly who. "It was me," Dorian chirped, standing in the door way, looking smug as always.

"Maker-" Cullen started, his whole body burning from suddenly being flustered and perhaps a little angered.

"Oh Commander, don't you know better by now?" He playfully rolled his eyes before looking at the tray, broken dishes and hot water flooding a part of the floor. "So that's what cause all the ruckus. You scared all of us half to death, my dear." Dorian looked at Josephine.

"I'm sorry. I did not expect to see him awake." Even though she had sounded defensive, she was still beaming with happiness.

Cullen sat up quickly, realizing that the small reunion was distracting him. "Noire..?" he began. Maker, his throat was already dry and now it was closing at the very thought that she-

"She's alive. Very shaken, but alive. Josephine was so loud just now that Cassandra went to go get our lady Inquisitor in case something was truly wrong," Dorian said, sitting in a chair not too far from the bed.

"Go _get_ her? Where is she?" 

"Well, she's been in here for most of the time. When she feels she can spare a moment, she tries to investigate the Chantry to help Leliana and Cassandra with the whole Divine ordeal, " the Tevinter tossed his hand about. "Between the two of those things, she forgets to eat. That's where she is now. Josephine had to convince her that she would bathe you."

"Josephine?! Is everything alright-" Her voice. Cullen felt himself breath again. His amber gaze settled toward the doorway again, seeing her there. _Maker...she's beautiful._

Noire's raven black hair was once more adorned in flowers, but this time they were all white, matching and in an orderly fashion so that it wrapped around her head like a crown. His mane was around her neck and shoulders, contrasting beautifully with the white dress she was wearing. It looked light, unlike most Orlesian fashion. The torso acted like a wrap, crossing at her breasts and around her neck. The other half fell to create the skirt, leaving her stomach bare. The skirt was also white, made of light material that helped to emphasize her curves. Midway to her thighs, the dress opened in the center, revealing her bare legs.

 

Noire brought a hand to her mouth, eyes instantly glossening with tears. Josephine stood up off the edge of the bed, stepping aside with an overjoyed smile. Once her path was clear, Noire ran to him, his mane sliding off her shoulders and looking more like a shawl. She wrapped her arms around him, and he quickly responded by burying his face in between her neck and shoulder, hands at her lower back. HIs headache was terrible, but he made sure to hide it for her. "I thought I was going to lose you," she breathed. Oh how her accent made his heart skipped a beat.

"I will come back to you," Cullen said, lips against her skin as he echoed a promise she had given him. 

"What is the matter- Cullen!" Cassandra gasped. "Bless Andraste!" She looked so relieved, a hand on her heart as though she were catching her breath.

Dorian took Josephine's hand, escorting her gracefully out of the room, "Let us go tell  Leliana of the news."

Cassandra looked confused, "Does it take all three of us- what is that look for Dorian?" she growled. Clearly he did something to try to make her get the hint. He shut the door behind him. 

While the other three had their moment, Cullen and Noire kept theirs, unable to tear their eyes off another. She opened her mouth to speak but he quickly pressed his lips against hers. He felt her gasp against his tongue as he eagerly deepened the kiss. She pulled away slowly, gently sucking on his bottom lip. Once apart, he pressed his forehead against hers, not appreciating the light headed sensation with the throbbing pain pulsing through his head. He listened to her breath as they sat there in silence, shakey but at a steady pace.

Cullen pulled away from her before brushing his fingertips along her jawline. "You are absolutely breathtaking." She instantly felt herself become warm from embarrassment.

"I'm surprised. I thought I looked silly but Dorian insisted on shopping for me, to try to brighten my mood. I love the man, but clearly he doesn't know I don't appreciate being rained on with gifts."

"Noire...you are perfect," he insisted, still touching her lower cheek. She took his hand and gently kissed each fingertip, crying again.

"I watched you fall...I felt so helpless. I was so scared, " her voice cracked as her mouth wavered.

Cullen tucked some of her hair behind her ear, then briefly and lightly traced it to the point. "It's over now. You did all that you could." He dropped his hand back to her waist. 

His hair felt soft on her fingertips as she kept her hands at his neck and toyed with what was at the edge. "Are you in pain?"

"Just a small headache," he lied.

Noire leaned close to him, glaring into his eyes, "Cullen with everything we've done together, do you honestly believe-"

Busted. He gave her a kiss, tender and slow, "I don't want you to worry more than you have. In other news, how are you ? Did you get hurt?" He scanned her body quickly for any severe wounds.

"I've been recovering pretty fast within the last ten days-"

"Maker. TEN?" He groaned. So much time lost.

She nodded, "I was out for a few of them..."

Cullen looked at Lavellan, noting she began to trail off. Her expression looked saddened, her lips ready to move like she had something to say.

"Noire?"

She looked at him, gently pulling her hands away and setting them on her lap. He got ready to hold them when she spoke, "I was pregnant."

A wave of emotions hit him. At first he was pink and flustered, then he was surprised and was preparing to be ecstatic until he realized her choice of words. "Was?"

"I lost it. The Terror knocked me back and hit the baby. I had no idea..I would've-" He hugged her again as she cried into his shoulder. To his surprise, he too found himself crying. Eventually he pulled away to kiss her face, kissing the tears, the scrapes and scratches, her eyebrow, her nose, and finally her lips.

With all the power she possessed at the Inquisitor, it was easy to forget how vulnerable she could be. She was still a person..she still could've been a mother.

"It was your child..it would've been beautiful," she sighed, wiping the remainder of her tears.

"We still have a future together. You might never know what it holds," he tried assuring her.

Noire looked at him, hesitating, "Cullen, we should address the reality of the situation. I'm the _Inquisitor_. I'll always be busy and I'd end up neglecting the child. I'd be an awful mother."

Cullen ran a hand over his face, processing. He was a little upset she had not said something before, "Do you not want children?"

"Maker- yes. I do. OF course, I do. But my duties-"

"You were also not supposed to spend your time fraternizing. Both of us. But we found time. We made it work for our insane schedules. Besides, who would want to miss out on Dorian and Cassandra arguing over baby duty?"

She laughed and he felt relieved, "I suppose you're right." Noire smiled, relaxing again. "But Cullen..."

"Hm?"

She was blushing as she shifted awkwardly, "Aren't we skipping a step?"

It took him a moment. or two. He stared at her , confused, his head still pounding. Finally, he cleared his throat and also shifted awkwardly. "I was actually trying to ask for your hand in the flower field."

"ARE YOU SERIOUS? I"M SO DENSE!" she groaned, putting her hand over her face.

Cullen laughed and took her hand from her face, guiding her so that she lied down next to him. He held her close, his lips on her freckled forehead, "I'm terrible at asking."

She laughed softly, "You still need to ask. This doesn't count."

Oh how he loved how she kept him on his toes, "In time."

Noire felt his breath on her skin as she moved closer, once more taking advantage of his warmth. Her hand lightly traced his chest, feeling the sudden curves of his muscles. Ten days was far too long. Which was a strange though, considering she could be gone for months sometimes. Perhaps it was because he was here with her, and not being able to interact with him was worse than it normally would have been. She felt her eyelids get heavy as she began to drift to sleep.

 

//// 

 

They opened again, her mind immediately letting her know that she should be expecting Cullen to be there. But of course, he was gone. Noire sat up suddenly, looking around. The room was lathered in a gentle orange light as the sun was setting. She slipped her legs off the bed, rubbing a weary eye. It was like it had been a dream. Did he really wake up? Was she really lying down with him? She stood up and fixed her dress, remembering how uncomfortable she had been in it. She also registered how her shoulders had a weight on them and quickly brushed her hand over the mane. Perhaps..it _was_ a dream. Then the door handle jiggled and the door handle swung open. There he was. Immediately, Lavellan felt relieved and smiled at him. He was holding a platter with steaming meat and vegetables as well as a bottle of wine in the other. 

"Oh, you're awake. Did my leaving stir you?" he asked, instantly worried.

She shook her head, "I didn't notice. I was actually worried I might have gone insane and made up that you were here."

Cullen chuckled, setting everything down on a small table nearby, then went to wrap his arms around her. The mane brushed against his skin, making him pull back and touch it, looking at her with a smirk. "Any particular reason...?"

Her face turned pink, "I missed you. I'm sorry if it bothers you that I'm wearing it-" She began to untie it.

"No, it's alright," he placed his hands on hers, smiling. "Red has always been your color."

A wide smile spread across her face, "You can have it back later, then."

Maker. When was later? He cleared his throat and awkwardly rubbed the back of his neck, "Anyways, I brought us dinner."

"So I see. Should you even be walking around?" She rose an eyebrow, walking over to the small table and sitting in a chair. 

"A 'thank you' would be more appreciated," he sat across from her, scowling at her stubbornly.

"Cullen...I want you to recover." 

"I was told you hadn't been eating. Allow me this as a payment for your worry."

"Waking up is enough of a 'payment'," she insisted, frowning at him. They were both horribly stubborn.

"Alright." Reluctance dripped in his tone.

Noire picked some food off the plate, an awkward silence looming as they ate. Finally, she spoke, "I'll replace your bandages after we eat."

He briefly touched the cloth wrapped around his head, "I can do it-" She cut him off with a glare. "Alright, alright."

After they had finished, Noire sat him on the edge of the bed and gently removed the bandage. "It's scabbing, so it's healing," she said aloud, relief in her voice. She took a lukewarm wet cloth and began to clean the back of his head of dirt and blood clumps. "I wish I was a mage."

" _What?_ "

"So that I wouldn't be so helpless in these situations." He tried to move his head to look at her but she gently pushed his jaw back forward, making sure she faced the back of his head as she continued to tend to it. "I'm not done."

"I like how you are."

"Why? Afraid I'd be into blood magic?" she teased, watching him tense so slightly.

"N-No..I just wouldn't ask you to change. Besides, I'd be surprised if you didn't study blood magic. You're a fighter at all costs."

"But it is immoral to practice."

"Haven't you been setting your own morals already?"

"What do you mean?"

Cullen laughed, "You're so oblivious." He took a moment before speaking again, "You were born and raised in a Dalish clan, yet you say 'Maker' every other sentence, you're involved with a 'shem', your markings are barely visible, Solas used to speak to you in your tongue but you spoke back in human. Also, more obviously so, you are using your Orlesian name,  _Noire_  . Let us not forget the Inquisitor part, but I think you can figure that out."

She thought about it as she began to unravel cloth to wrap around his head, "Maker...I'm basically human."

He laughed again, turning to face her finally. 

"I was sent to study them and instead I became them," she laughed with him, standing up so that she could wrap his head. It was strange how she took the very idea so lightly. But it was not like she was entirely devoted to her clan either. Although she proudly represented Lavellan, she was sent to study humans because she had volunteered. She wanted to know more about them than any of the rest of them. Not for warfare or to learn weaknesses, but to learn about them and set aside differences.

His face met with her bare stomach (due to the opening in the dress), allowing him to brush his lips against her skin. He felt her goosebumps, "Stop moving," she ordered.

"Does it hurt?"

"Hm?"

"Losing a child."

Noire hesitated, pausing, then spoke and continued wrapping the bandage a little slower, "I don't remember. I had a lot of adrenaline. I didn't even know I was bleeding until Cassandra pointed it out, and when I did...that's when I fell."

Cullen kissed her stomach again, "I wont let you go through that again." My, he sounded so assuring. Noire almost believed it. She continued to wrap the bandage and he gave her bare skin a slower kiss. Soon she felt his hand slide up her thigh. "Cullen- you're still recovering. It's only been ten days-"

He ignored her, settling his hand between her legs, knowing exactly where to touch in order to get a response. She gasped and gripped his hair briefly and gently. " _Cullen-_ "

"-Noire...is that _lace_?" He moved the skirts of her dress so he could see. " _Andraste preserve me_ ," he groaned softly.

"I- Dorian- he got me a lot of things. I was just trying them out! I didn't expect anything to happen. I know they're silly, I can change." At this point she had dropped the rest of the cloth and began to move away. Cullen held onto her waist and pulled her back over to him, brushing his lips onto her stomach once more and trailing them up to her torso as he stood slowly from the edge of the bed. The badnaged she had wound unraveled and slipped onto the floor.

"Maker, I'm supposed to be taking care of you-" He interrupted her with a deep gentle kiss, her breath gasping against him once more. Cullen's hands gently caressed her arms as he tenderly kissed her. He was being so careful as though he were assuring her it was alright. Who was she to deny him? Noire was helpless under his touch. Once he knew he had her consent, he moved a little more eagerly, quickly untying and sliding off his all-too-familiar pauldrons. The Commander broke the liplock and observed the Orlesian puzzle she was wearing. 

"I have a hard time keeping up with your change of _armor,_ Lavellan. Now you present me with this chaos." Cullen trailed his fingers underneath her dress, along the cross of the cloth on her torso. He quickly noted she was not wearing a wrap across her breasts. 

She laughed, "Like this." She gently removed his hand from underneath and what looked like sorcery, she untwisted it from her neck and slowly revealed her bare chest. She then took his hands and guided them to "help" her slide off the skirt. ALl the while, she never tore her gaze from his. He was amazed how she quickly went from his worrying caretaker to the sexual deviant she could be.

Now she was just in the lacey bottoms of her underwear, everything else exposed. Cullen brought back the eagerness, pulling her back towards him, breathing hard with his kisses. His tongue traced her bottom lip before entangling with hers, his hands immediately feeling her skin. He picked her up a little off the ground and settled her on the bed, climbing over her. He slid off his shirt before resting his hands by the sides of her head. She looked up at him, already drunk in love. She gave him a sultry gaze which he responded with a smirk. He brought his lips to her neck, bringing one of his hands back down between her legs and onto her sex. She released a shuddered gasp, running her fingers in his hair once more. He groaned from the grip, some of it being his head still felt tender. He noticed his groan gave her skin goosebumps, which made him chuckled, his hot breath against her skin.

"Maker- Cullen don't do that while- _ah_!" her voice cut off into a whimpered gasp.Cullen had began to rub her in her spot, soon after sliding his hand underneath the garment and continuing. She bent her knees and arched her back a little breathless. Her mouth was agape which provided him the opportunity to kiss her once more. He continued trying to prove he was alright. That she needn't worry anymore. His kisses were deep and rough, his stubble grazing against her skin. Both of them could feel the tingling sensation, letting them know their lips had began to swell. He held his lips against hers for a moment, feeling her breath against hi, which had already began to pace faster as his fingers moved quicker. She was already so wet. He slipped a finger inside of her, moving in and out. 

"Cullen..." she gasped against his lips, brushing ever so slightly against hers. " _Please._ " She sounded as though...she was _begging_ now. Cullen chuckled deviously against her lips before giving her another kiss, moving to the corner of her mouth and trailing down as he ignored her request. He kissed and tasted her as he went from her jawline to her neck and the top of her breast. Soon after, he slipped in a second finger and grazed his teeth against one of her nipples. Before her hands could get another grip in his blonde curls, he slipped removed his hand from between he legs and grabbed both of her wrists, pinning them to each side of her head. Her freckled face was pink, vibrant compared to the rest of her pale skin. Her black hair was damp against her forehead as she shot a look at him with her golden gaze. The way his own amber gaze taunted her...she felt she was sinking. He trailed his lips lightly on hers, smiling as he did so. He was teasing. and it was awful. Noire's voice shuddered when she finally spoke, "Love, you're going to get very light headed if you keep going." 

"Am I?" 

Shit. She knew there was no turning back. He wouldn't even listen to her voice of reason. "Don't say I didn't warn you." The Commander laughed against began finally kissing her, one hand running through her hair and the other reaching down to struggle with removing her underwear. Her own hands her untying the drawstrings of his pants and pushing those away. They both removed their undergarments, kicking them off of their ankles. They kissed more, Noire sucked on his bottom lip and Cullen grazed his lips on hers. Soon enough, he moved her thighs open, positioning his hard sex against hers, simply teasing her once more. Noire groaned and grazed her nails against the muscles of his shoulders, "When we get back to Skyhold...know that you are _not_ going to have it your way next time." 

Cullen slowly moved into her, watching her react to him with sudden sheer pleasure. He kissed her chin, "Is that so?" 

She was so smooth against him, as well as a little tight. He began to thrust at a steady pace, one hand settling on the bed while the other grabbed one of her hands and interlaced with her fingers. Noire could feel how quickly his body had gotten warm and sweaty, his skin already glistening. She felt her knees wanting to tighten against his waist as he moved inside of her. Her hips had begun to pace with his, moving with every push he had given. His teeth were suddenly grazing against her neck, her free hand quickly touching the back of his neck and brushing against his hair. "I love you so _damn_ much," he growled, slightly muffled as he said it against her skin. Before she could speak he had began to move faster, causing a soft moan to rise from her throat. Her eyebrows crinkled as her eyes closed. He felt her body shudder underneath his, letting him know she was nearly there. "Noire...look at me." 

Reluctantly, Lavellan flickered her eyes open and had seen that he was above her once more, his eyes locked on hers. He continued to move, keeping his gaze. As though she didn't already, she felt as though she was going to melt. He gripped the sheets and thrusted a little harder, reaching his own climax. She noted the little crinkles on the bridge of his nose, causing a small smile which was quickly changed to an open mouth. Her toes crinkled and her back arched, pressing her torso against his. "Cullen, I'm-" she whimpered, eyes watering slightly. Cullen kissed her briefly before reaching her hilt and squeezing her hand that he had kept with his. She squeezed back, synchronizing wonderfully with him. He stayed inside of her and ran a hand over her sweaty forehead, removing any of her hair from her face. He gave her slow kiss, which she lazily gave back. Noire reached up and attempted to settle any curls that had fallen out of place, but he only laughed dryly and kissed her hand, "I'm not sure if there's a point to that."

She smiled and instead stroked his jaw, soon touching his lips, which he happily kissed her hand once more. Slowly, he let out a grunt as he slipped out of her and lied down next to her and making sure to face her. She brought their still intertwined hands to their chests and eventually broke it, bringing his hand to kiss each and every one of his fingertips gently. She scooted up a little bit to kiss his chin and he kissed her nose in response. "I love you too." she said gently, finally responding. Cullen beamed with happiness, and she reciprocated it. He pulled the blanket up to them and quickly cuddled against her, which she happily obliged. "Mmm...are you feeling alright?" she asked, her eyelids already feeling heavy once more. She had nestled her nose against his neck and his chin rest against her forehead. 

"Better than ever," he lied. He was a little light headed, to be honest. He felt her snort against his neck, causing him to grin briefly. He traced his fingers gently on her back, just as she preferred, a few small and short _mmm_ 's emitting from her. Her hand was settled on his chest while their legs were wrapped around one another beneath the sheets. Cullen could feel his own eyelids get heavy, comfortable with her. The both of them soon had a shallow and slow breath, asleep for the rest of the night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Its still not as graphic as maybe as I hope for it to be, but I think it's good enough for now.


	9. Suffocation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cullen suffers with side effects from the nightmare he had when he was in his brief coma. The Inquisition finally hears who is elected for the new Divine and they march back to Skyhold, but of course, have to stop after the day's journey. And Cullen and Noire are in no mood to share tents.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I like to picture them as a generally honest couple, despite their constant need to hide how they're really feeling. Why do these dorks do it to each other all the time, I swear.
> 
> Also I would like to take this moment to say that I am a character torturer. I am a Queen at it. So I enjoy inflicting emotional pain upon my babies because that's the best drama.

Nothing could prepare her for this. Not a thousand high dragons. Not even the idea of Corypheus coming back. If someone had ever told her that the man she had given her everything to, her soul and body, would wake her up in the middle of the night by strangling her, she would've slapped them across the face.

  
But he did. Noire did not stir right away, but the moment he actually _squeezed_   was when she woke up, alerted. Too many thoughts ran through her head as she gasped for air. But most of all, the screaming question in her head was, _Why?_ Her survival instincts finally came in and she swung a sucker punch at him, hitting Cullen's cheek bone. He hissed and pulled away from her, giving her the quick opportunity to slip out from under him. She scanned the room for a weapon, tears in her eyes. No bow..it was left in her room. Then her glossy eyes found his sword in the dark.

Despite the unfamiliarity she had with these kinds of weapons, she withdrew it in a heartbeat and held the sharp point at his throat. He had his hands over his face before he slowly removed them. The moon glared at him perfectly, and on any other occasion, her jaw would have dropped. She briefly saw how bloodshot his eyes were...and how heartbroken they looked, echoing her own gaze. She couldn't falter. She gripped the handle of the blade, hot tears rolling down her cheeks.

"Noire-" he started.

"Don't." She brought the sword closer to his skin, increasing the threat.

" _Love,_ let me explain."

" _Ma vhenan..._ " her voice cracked, breaking his heart. She even spoke to him in _elvish_ , a rare happening. She lowered the sword carefully, wiping the tears off her face. "Explain yourself." she demanded, her voice slightly muffled from her hand shadowing her face.

He didn't dare move from the bed, not wanting to alarm her any further. "When I was asleep, I had an unfortunate dream. It was as thought I was living my life all over again and making different choices. I had encountered the Hero of Fereldan again. As you know, I had a level of...affections for her." She was listening, but not looking at him. She was shaking now, crying silently. "I killed her. and you had found out. I knew who you were in a heartbeat, but I could not control my body, instantly threatening you. In that life, I had not joined the Inquisition. Instead, I was a red lyrium pawn for Corypheus' disposal, much like Samson. Therefore, you had no idea who I was. You were holding your aimed bow at me, demanding why I had killed the Hero." She was looking at him now, face in shocked dismay. "You did attack me...but for a brief moment I was able to hold your face...you killed me nonetheless."  
  
Cullen hesitated before continuing, "Then I watched us..the first bad day you had seen me on. The first day you saw my struggles with lyrium. Instead of telling me _not_ to take it, you _insisted._ "

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"I thought nothing of it. Until I had a similar dream tonight. But instead, for a brief moment, i felt synchronized with that monster." Cullen's voice shook as he rubbed his eyes again. "These nightmares are not helping my cravings for lyirum, Noire. And there's only been two of them like this." He felt the bed shift and he looked to see she was sitting by him. "I had not meant to hurt you. I could never-" he was crying now. He held his hands to her face and she leaned into them, scooting forward to kiss his face. She brushed her lips where she had hit him, then kissed his tears. "As if it were not hard enough already to prove to you that I am a better man."

Noire placed her hands over his, taking one and kissing the center of his palm, "Good thing I don't care about you. I'll be relieved from my worrying duties."

He chuckled briefly, "I guess you would worry, regardless."

"Always," she smiled, looking into his eyes. Finally, she held his head to her chest, holding him close. He listened to her heartbeat through her bare breast for a moment, listening to its rapid and scared pace. A pace _he_ had created. Frowning, Cullen nestled his nose onto her neck, brushing his lips against her skin, attempting to brush away those thoughts. She ran her fingers through his hair in a slow rhythmic pattern, careful to avoid his wound and trying to soothe him.

However, she needed it too. Especially after thinking for the first time ever that their love could truly be destructive.

 

////

 

 Noire had stayed up the whole night, insisting to Cullen that it was alright that he slept beside her. It killed him to know he even had to consider the option that she had to sleep away from him. Noire didn't want to be scared of him, and remained in the bed with him, tracing his muscles while he slept. Cullen slept in intervals. He'd sleep for half an hour then wake up and make sure she was alright. Of course every time he woke, she was still awake. She'd respond to him with a smile and a small kiss on his chin. Eventually he had pulled her closer at one point before falling back asleep again.

The next morning, the pair of them had gotten dressed in silence. At some point in the morning, a handmaiden had entered the room and set her armor on the chair. The pants were still tight on her, but she took no extreme notice as she buckled the small chest piece. Cullen was placing his pauldrons back on his shoulder, providing a small amount of comfort, until he had gotten a whiff of what smelled like her. She _had_ to wear them? This was going to be a long day. To his surprise, she had turned to him and helped him get anything else on, tying the cloth to the center of his stomach. He watched her carefully, then her delicate hands as she tied the string. He noted one was covered in a cloth and moved a little slower...probably sore from hitting him. He followed his gaze to look at her face but stopped short when he had seen the bruising on her neck...how quickly they appeared. Cullen's stomach flipped inside out. He rose his hand up to adjust her scarf, hoping to hide them better, but she flinched. He could've sworn his heart stopped. "Noire-"

"We need to get moving. Cassandra will be expecting me. Please be careful while you're walking." She gave him a small smile before heading toward the door. He wanted to make a joke about the physical activity they had participated in yesterday. He wanted to tell her he was fine. But no words came. All that came to his head was how she had jerked away from him and adjusted the scarf on her own. Not that it mattered really considering his cheek probably didn't look at better. He let her leave and took a deep breath, following her after a few long seconds.

When they entered the dining room, Dorian was the first to speak, "The love birds! You two look _ghastly_! Stay up all night 'catching up'?" he mused. When Noire sat next to him, his eyes instantly fell onto her neck. "A lovers' quarrel kink? I like it. You'll have to teach- er- tell me all about it," he purred, resting his elbow on the table and propping his chin up with his hand.

Noire shot him a dirty look before fixing her scarf again and eating the plate in front of her. The rest of the table watched Cullen silently sit next to Leliana and Josephine, rather than next to Noire. The silence they had in the bedroom was brought onto the table. 

Morrigan spoke up finally, "Looks like we are going to hear about the Divine today. After we do, we can leave this damned city."

"I agree. Sometimes it is far too much. I was told I needed to wear a dress more often," Cassandra joined in. Leliana and Josephine spoke too, but the remaining three kept quiet.

Dorian looked at Cullen then at Noire, going back and forth between the two. He touched her hand underneath the table, giving it a gentle squeeze. She had jumped in response before looking back at him. He gave her a sympathetic smile before prying it away and continuing his breakfast.

The Commander watched them quietly, feeling as though a sword was driven through his chest.

 

/// 

 

They were all pacing inside the Chantry as they waited for the final word. Finally a priestess had walked out and whispered in Noire's ear. The Inquisitor approached the two candidates before holding her hand out to Leliana, who rose an eyebrow and took it. "I'm honored that I'm the first one you allow to hold your hand, Great Divine," she mused. 

Leliana gasped, "It's _me?_ " Josephine shrieked and held her close, pressing their cheeks together. Cassandra applauded proudly, Noire quickly joining her. The rest of the part of the Inquisition did so as well. 

Once Josephine had been pried from Leliana, Cassandra shook her hand, congratulating her with respect. Leliana however, interrupted any other congratulations and told them all that they needed to celebrate back at Skyhold.

So they all packed up their things and headed out immediately, apologizing and thanking the Chantry all at once for their trouble. The moon was high when they had all made camp, and Noire had passed on dinner to Cullen's dismay.

"Not eating when you're unconscious, not eating when you're conscious. I cannot win," Dorian groaned, standing up from the fire in the middle of the camp and headed into the Inquisitor's tent. Cullen watched him quietly, then looked at her tent longingly. They both had suggested it subtly, without confronting each other. 

How long would this continue to happen? She was so scared of him now, even if she refused to show it. He appreciated her efforts but the hidden truth hurt. He sat up quietly and trudged into his tent, frowning.

"Alright, what is going on between you and Prince Charming?" Dorian asked Lavellan, who was sitting on her blankets and hugging her knees. He saw by her candles that her eyes were watered once more. By the gods, could she have cried anymore the last week? He slowly sat down beside her, holding his own knees. "Did he hit you?"

"Yes." She answered so quickly that Dorian became alarmed. Then she angled her head, voice wavering, "...Well..no. Not really. Not intentionally. Which is why it's worse."

"So he hit you on accident?"

"Not really."

 _What?_ Dorian looked at her, awfully confused. "Noire, you're going to have to give me more than that."

"What is it that you all call when you're still sleeping but you're moving about?"

"Sleep walking."

Noire translated it in her head before speaking once more, "He was doing.. _that_ , and ended up doing this." She lowered the collar of her shirt, showing him the bruises he had spotted earlier.

" _Choked_ you while you both were asleep?" He was astounded. Dorian suddenly realized he could not have known the tormenting amount of feelings she had swirling inside of her. She nodded and buried her forehead against her arms, her shoulders shaking as she sobbed more. The Tevinter looked around warily before wrapping his arms around her and pulling her so that she leaned against him. She raised her head up and looked at him, confused. He spoke quickly, "I'd rather you not say anything too loud and ruin my charming reputation. If anyone knew I had gone soft for a _woman_ , Maker, they'll think I'd have changed my ways!" Noire suddenly hugged him, and he hugged her back, resting his chin on her shoulder and gently squeezing her torso. He pulled away and wiped away her tears from her face, "I think the entire Inquisition forgives you for having cried so much as of late. Although we might worry you'll run out of tears." His voice was low, soothing, but retained his charismatic aura. 

"Dorian..please stay with me tonight," she pleaded sadly, shaking under his grip. 

"Only if it means you will sleep," He demanded, brushing his index finger along one of the massive bags under her eyes. She nodded reluctantly.

Both of them took off their boots and any piece of their armor that would be uncomfortable to sleep in. They kept the cloth of their travelling clothes on, reaching their limit of how comfortable to go. But they were content. Dorian lied on his side, holding her head to his chest as she cried a little more. His other arm served as a pillow, bending so that he rested it on his forearm. They shared a fur blanket, keeping close to one another. Noire appreciated his warmth and noted that he smelled sweet, like flowers. It was something she had never noticed before but she had realized she had never even been this close to him. She watched her best friend slowly drift to sleep, silently thanking him for all that he had done for her. She rested her forehead on his collarbone, finding that she too was finally weary, relieved she was able to get some sleep after all.

" _What have you done to her?_ " Cassandra demanded, storming into Cullen's tent. Cullen stood up quickly, clearing his throat and looking at the Seeker. She approached him and placed an aggressive hand on the back of his head, pulling it down to her face in a sharp motion. She touched the bruise on his cheek with the other hand before letting him go. He rubbed the back of his head, scowling at her. "Well?" she asked again, crossing her arms and leaning so that one leg maintained all her body weight.

Cullen turned a little, slipping his hand from his neck and into a fist at his side. "I hurt her when I didn't mean to...I just-"

"Did she do that to you?"

"Yes."

"Was she defending herself?"

"...Yes." She was so smart. 

Cassandra sighed, "For her to treat you like that, it must have been something pretty bad."

"I almost killed her." His voice was breaking, he furrowed his eyebrows and felt his eyes sting. "I would have killed her if I had squeezed any harder."

"So the bruising that Dorian saw-"

"Yes."

The Seeker rose her eyebrows, giving Cullen a long look. "How?"

"I did it while we were asleep. I had a nightmare and the behavior carried out with me."

She looked around before taking a step forward, "Lyrium?"

"I'm assuming that's part of it."

She took a heavy breath before sitting down, holding her hands together, propping her arms up by placing her elbows on her knees. "How could you lose sight of her?"

Cullen was crying now, frustration and dismay in his tone, "I don't know! I don't know..." He covered his eyes with one hand and felt himself cave, sobbing. 

Cassandra gave him his moment, listening and processing the situation. After a few minutes, the Commander had collected himself and sat down next to her. "She won't let me touch her." It was so quick for him..literally the night before they had just made love, and now he felt like that it would never happen again. He looked at Cassandra who looked back at him. "What do I do?"

"I told you not to let her slip through your fingers," she warned, sighing. She reached over and touched his shoulder, "You're going to have to fight to prove to her. Step up your game." 

"and how do I do that if I dont even know if I wont want to stab her the next time I lie with her?"

"She means more to you than anything else in this world, right?" Cassandra asked.

"You know that."

"Then stop mucking about and show her. Show her like the thought had never occurred to you before, _Cullen!_ " Cassandra insisted, patting his shoulder a few times before standing up. "Dorian will help to give her comfort for the time being, but do not let her rely on her friend. She needs to be able to rely on _you_ for peace again." She turned on her heel and tossed aside the flaps to his tent, leaving swiftly.

Cullen watched her, then ran his hand through his hair again, raking through thoughts and what he might do. It soon dawned on him. He knew exactly what he had to do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cassandra and Dorian are Noire's guardians. Its my canon. And of course Cassandra is that cool gal that is friends with the boyfriend too, so she gets to be pretty bad ass.  
> I love her.  
> and Dorian.  
> And everyone.


	10. Mine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cullen works on trying to figure out how to get Noire back (not that they broke up or anything), and Noire realizes how foolish she feels for abandoning him. But they both receive news by the end of the day that might have to put their relationship on a further hold.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I swear I'm just pumping these chapters out.  
> Really I just have been in a streak of writing. I'm loving it.

Two weeks. Two. Painful. Awkward. Silent weeks. Noire only saw him when it came to business. Whenever she would come into his office to discuss a report, he could not help but feel hopeful. It was torture. He knew he had to do what Cassandra told him to do...but he didn't want to start without a sign from the Inquisitor. A sign that she was still just as willing as he was. _Maker_. The very idea tightened his throat. He felt he couldn't breath or speak. 

But finally, it happened. She had lingered a little longer, watching him silently. He took a moment, as he had gotten used to her just walking out. When he noticed, he felt his heart pound rapidly, nervous under her watchful gaze. She opened her mouth to speak but he felt himself instead, "I miss you." Cullen was surprised he had just went ahead and said it. It was like it he just had to get it out of him.

Noire tucked her hair behind her ear, her cheeks blushing as she shifted the weight on her feet, grabbing her arms timidly, "I miss you too."

Not the reaction he was expecting. Next move. "Noire, I was wondering- hoping..I uh," his hand went to the back of his neck. 

"Yes?" He saw her eyes were hopeful. Honestly she was trying her best not to smile at how shy he was being.

"Will you join me for dinner?" Maker. Here we go. He wasn't sure if he could handle the rejection, even if small. 

But she had stood up straight, grinning and suddenly glowing with excitement, "Yes." Shit she was adorable. He wanted to give her a big kiss and touch her silky jet black hair. He wanted to admire the freckles on her skin and let her know just how beautiful he saw her. But he didn't move. 

Noire watched him, pursing her lips for a moment, contemplating if she should show him some sign of affection. She took a step towards him and reached out to touch his hand. He cursed in his mind, wishing it was not gloved as he met her, interlacing their fingers. She wanted to do so much more. She found herself wanting to taste him, feel him, smell like him. She pulled away, disliking how lost and engrossed she suddenly felt, and the light Cullen saw in her faded.

"Commander." Another stab through his chest. She turned quickly on her heel and began to stride out.

"Inquisitor," he replied curtly, the word burning on his tongue. 

He saw her body stiffen at the response. Quickly he raked his mind for something to say but she had left too soon.

///

Noire sat in the library with Dorian, flipping through books with him. She had somehow gotten comfortable on the stone floor, crisscrossed with piles of books around her. She had found some weird ass book about psychology. It was hurting her head. "Did you know that we can actually bite our fingers off like carrots, but our mind prevents us from doing it?"

"Put a little blood magic into the equation and let me know if you get the same result," he sassed, holding several books in one arm while he scanned the spines of others. 

Noire watched him, "What are you looking for?"

"A study on gems."

"What for?"

"Stones, especially the sparkly ones, can be a curious thing. They resemble signs of affection and power, and sometimes even they themselves contain power."

"Are you helping Dagna?"

"Yes. But we are simply experimenting."

Noire watched him pull out a book and flip through it. She spoke up, "I'm eating dinner with Cullen tonight."

"And how do you feel about that?" He skimmed a page, listening.

"I'm really happy, but I also-"

"You must remember you are not the only wounded party. Give him a chance."

"I will. I miss him so much it hurts, Dorian. He's walking around with my heart and I'm scared he's going to give it back to me."

"I'm glad your fears have focused on something else," he shut the book and slipped it onto the shelf, noting its uselessness. "You're moving on."

"He feels the same way." Both of them turned to see Cole leaning against the railing. "Worried she's going to leave him. Scared what it might mean. Aching, everywhere, especially his chest. He needs her."

Lavellan felt breathless listening to him. Cole took a step forward and knelt by her on the floor, playing with a page of a book. "Why don't you tell him you feel the same?" he asked, looking at her with his big eyes.

"I didn't- I didn't know.. _Cole_." She wrapped her arms around the boy and he awkwardly hugged her back, shifting his weight as he was being pulled down. 

"It'll be better, soon," he insisted, pulling away. 

Noire looked at Dorian who tossed his hand at her, "You've been with me like you're in love with me as of late. I told you you'd ruin my reputation." She huffed and punched his shoulder before running down the stairs.

She stopped in Solas' room, looking at all the murals...all of which were memories, having only ended a month ago. So little time and already so much has happened after they won. Then she looked at Halamshiral, looking at all the dancers under Empress Celene's dress. She couldn't believe her eyes, causing her to lean in. There was the Commander and her. He was in the red Inquisition attire and she was in her dress. They were dancing with the rest of them. She stood up straight and looked at the Empress, smiling to herself. Finally, she turned on her heel and ran out the door, walking on the battlements that lead to his office. She stopped midway, looking across the way to see he was talking heartily to another woman. She had long red locks that had a wave to them. The red was brilliant against the pristine armor she wore. They were laughing. Noire suddenly felt as though she were going to throw up, and quickly held her stomach. She wanted to turn around and walk away, but her feet kept moving forward. _Gods no. Turn around._ She thought, heart pounding in her ears. She walked into his office, and for some reason felt suddenly alarmed when she saw the door to the right of her open. Cullen walked in, mid conversation with the lady who was chirping back. He saw Lavellan and stopped, "Inquisitor."

She had to try to not to be offended and instead tell herself that perhaps this was an issue of formality. Although..the way the woman kept looking at him..she inhaled a shuddered breath before putting on a facade, "Commander! I see you're with company, I will take my leave then." Somehow the woman looked..relieved. It made Lavellan want to stay.

"Nonsense! I believe introductions are in order. Inquisitor, this is Knight-Commander Evangeline. A templar who I knew when I was still among the ranks. She was one of the few who saw the corruption in some of the army and made sure to get most of her men out of there before they could be tormented by the red lyrium." 

Noire walked over and held her hand out to shake her hand. Evangeline smiled and shook it firmly. "Evangeline, this is Noire Lavellan, the leader of the Inquisition." Cullen continued, not taking his eyes off of Noire.

"So I see." the templar woman smiled, her voice dripping with a sort of...arrogance? Noire couldn't put her finger on it. 

"It's an honor. Thank you for doing what you did. It is admirable." The Inquisitor said, holding her hands behind her back and smiling briefly.

"You flatter me. I did nothing compared to your miracles." Even though it was a compliment, it sounded horribly bitter.

Noire bit her tongue before she said anything rude and looked at the Commander, a little taken aback that she had just now noticed him staring at her, his face soft. Her cheeks turned pink before she tucked her hair behind her ear, "I uh..I should go. I'll let you two catch up." She didn't want that. Anything but that. 

"Noire, if you needed to talk, I can ask a scout to show Evangeline to her quarters," Cullen said, taking a step forward the moment she had taken one back. 

Evangeline picked her helmet off of his desk, smirking, "Yes, _Noire_ , its not a problem at all. The Commander did promise to give me a tour of Skyhold, though, so don't hold him too long." She left quietly, keeping her gaze on the elf who was trying her best not to give her a dirty look.

Once the door shut, Cullen moved quickly and placed his hands on her arms, "I'm sorry. She was unexpected. She said she was camping nearby and found she needed supplies. Skyhold is kind of noticeable, and she remembered I was here."

"Cullen, it's _fine._ " She was suddenly uncomfortable, trying to squirm out of his arms.

He kept his grip, "No, it's not. I could hear your tone." Cullen felt guilty that he was relieved that she was jealous. It was written all over her face and body movements. "You're an open book sometimes," he insisted, attempting to press his forehead against hers.

She let him, unsure of what to say or do. She locked her gaze into his, feeling herself grow small. She could smell him, feeling his hot breath on her skin. "Cullen-" her voice croaked, forcing her to clear it. "Cullen I..." So much to say. She wanted to pour her feelings out but she was still scared. Had he gotten better? Her heart was pounding again. Then it came to her. Everything she needed to say to him. Everything she wanted to do with him. It was like the love she had before was not ignited but _exploded_ , and immense amount of passion coursing through her veins. She took her hands and ran them through his hair, her nails gently scraping the surface of his skin. She pulled her forehead away from his to speak to him. By instinct, his hands slid from her arms and to her waist, tuning in to her.

"I should've support you. I should have been here trying to help you get better and I'm sorry I left." He opened his mouth to speak but she shook her head and kept going, "I love you. I want to be with you and I'm so silly for thinking otherwise." 

Cullen kissed her, cutting her off as she took in another breath to speak. She hummed a sound of relief, kissing him back. This was what she needed. She brushed her lips onto his scar, keep the touch light and gentle, allowing his stubble to graze her skin. He spoke now, his lips still hovering over hers. "I love you too. I'm so sorry I hurt you. You were protecting yourself and I know that's why you stayed away. You needn't apologize. I was just hoping you'd stay with me. I want to be able to get through things like this with you and still have you love me by the end of the day. I never want to lose you." He suddenly took her hands into his own and held them to his chest, "Noire Lavellan.."

" _Cullen?_ "

"Will you do me the honor of marrying me?"

She felt her breath cut short, looking into his eyes again. He was serious, so determined. A smile tugged at the corner of her lips and she quickly pried a hand away from his, covering her mouth. "You're serious?" Her eyes were watering again. "I mean of course you're serious I just-" She kissed him, small and brief smooches, over and over again. "Are you sure?"

He chuckled, low, goosebumps rising on her skin, "You know what. You're right. I gave it a quick thought and I've decided to take back my word."

Noire sighed and touched his cheek, melting under his gaze. " _Yes_ , Cullen. Yes of course!" 

His entire face lit up, all the muscles relaxing. He wrapped his arms just under her arse and lifted her. She braced herself on him before leaning down to kiss him. Of course he was grinning so wide it made it difficult, but they both simply laughed at their foolishness. "I'm sorry. I don't have a ring yet. I didn't know I was going to - Well I had meant to ask you tonight during dinner...if things went smoothly." He slowly lowered her down, running her fingers through her hair and removing it from her face, like he loved to do. She beamed up at him, "Don't be sorry. No more 'sorry's."

He kissed her freckled forehead, "Before we part ways..which I will reluctantly let you go..may I ask where we are at?"

She knew exactly what he meant. She slipped her hands under the armor on his arms and rubbed them ontop of the cloth, "I'd like to try staying with you tonight...as long as you've been better with the nightmares."

"They'll always be present," he admitted, "But I suppose you could say they're back to normal. As is my...lack of..craving for lyrium."

Noire watched his face, scanning for anything that might say he was lying he supposed, then smiled, satisfied. She hugged him again, burying her face between the mane and his neck. He leaned his head onto hers, squeezing her gently. "Noire Rutherford." He heard her speak. She could feel him smiling, a gentle chuckle rumbling from his chest. 

"Dalish, Orlesian and now Fereldan. You are becoming quite the diverse woman," he noted aloud.

She looked at him, rolling her eyes. Then they continued to soak each other in. He was ready to take her upstairs and have his way with her, but too many obligations came before it. Noire wanted more than just his lips to taste, but the amount of time it took to undress the man and redress him was forever. So they both continued to look at one another, lusty in their gaze. Finally she spoke up, "The Templar woman has been waiting for you. I guess you'd better give her your promised tour."

"And I promise you she's nothing to me other than an acquaintance. I will meet you for dinner?" He took her hands and kissed them. 

"Alright..just don't let her do anything to you." After his kiss, which made her heart skip a beat, she nodded, "Of course."

They parted ways, practically forcing themselves to let go of one another. Even then, as they slowly stepped away they made sure they kept some sort of physical contact until they were out of reach. Noire quickly left before she felt the desire to tackle him and strip him down. Then that Templar whor- _lady_ , would've had to wait all day. She hummed to herself as she walked back on the battlements towards Solas' room. 

Cullen ran his hand through his hair to settle any unruly curls, then walked into the barracks to find Knight-Commander Evangeline observing the armor. She greeted him with a smile, setting the chestplate down. "I was just looking at the handiwork. Very nice for scouts." 

"Yes. We make sure to protect our men, even if they are not necessarily on the battlefield." He gave her a brief smile in return. "Shall we?" he held his hand out toward the door. 

"We shall," she purred, brushing her side bangs out of her face. He showed her where the men trained, greeting Cassandra who was watching the Templar next to him carefully. He then showed her where the blacksmith was and Dagna made some comments aloud about how her hair must have some sort of spell on it for it to be that red. Cullen then began to lead her to introduce her to Josephine, who was working diligently at her desk. He could've sworn he saw Noire slip into the War Room down the hall..were Morrigan and Leliana in there as well? Josephine stood up quickly when she saw Cullen and Evangeline, holding up her hands, "Commander...and Knight...-Commander." It was awkward on her lips. "Let us take introductions elsewhere, I'm afraid the air around here is about to fall short."

"What do you mean, Ambassador?" Cullen asked, looking at the War Room. He looked back at her to see her gaze was saddened. He was about to speak again when all three of them heard a sudden cry.

Cullen began to move toward the war room, recognizing it was Noire's instantly, when Josephine grabbed his hand, "Cullen...nearly everyone in Clan Lavellan is dead."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ik that's not really the mural Solas paints. and Clan Lavellan actually gets wiped during the gameplay.  
> Also obviously Evangeline is not a real person in DA:I ok.
> 
> and ok this time. this. time. the fluff is over. I just needed the proposal scene for advantages on future drama.  
> cackles


	11. Trials

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After Lelilana quickly briefed the Inquisitor that it might have possibly been an Orlesian attack, Noire has traveled to the last known Lavellan camp location to investigate, leaving Cullen with a brief kiss good bye and taking Iron Bull, Dorian and Cole with her.  
> While she is there, Cullen is still accompanying Evangeline as she extends her stay at Skyhold.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woops! Sorry I took so long! :)
> 
> ITS SO SHORT. AW.

The ground was soft with wet dirt and ash. She carefully avoided dried pools of blood, cautiously moving her bare feet through the camp. It was horribly quiet...other than the occasional noises from the mounts behind her. Iron Bull held onto their reigns as Dorian tended to them, feeding them and watching Noire occasionally. Cole was not too far from Noire, disappearing and reappearing throughout the camp. The Inquisitor was quiet as she let her feet touch the earth and the familiarity it once possessed. Most of the tents and lodgings were blackened after having been burned. Any tables or stands where broken or tossed over, and anything they contained was scattered. Bows and staves snapped, swords just out of reach of some of them. Some Elven warriors, in their native gear, managed to hold their weapons in their cold fingers, a child's hand stuck out of the entrance of a torn tent, an elder slit at the throat with a shattered pot in front of her. Innocent death was everywhere. Swift and fast for an unprepared clan.

The Inquisitor screamed when she accidentally stepped on a braid of hair and she quickly stepped backward, letting out a sharp gasp as she fell backward into the frame of a tent. Quickly, she found herself lying next to a corpse and she sat up and scooted back, heart racing. Then she recognized the face...if she had not been to Haven..if she was not chosen to study humans..this man was to be her bond. Before she succumbed to the sickness in her stomach, she quickly stood up and brushed herself off, continuing her walk through the camp.

"They didn't know. Not like this. So many. Too many. Why? Why? _Why?_ " Cole said from some distance. Noire continued to look around, quiet and numb. She walked into the biggest tent, looking for Keeper Deshanna. Her breath fell sharp and she had to quickly cover her mouth at the sight, turning away. If there weren't any outside, they were all in here. A majority of the clan's children lied together, pools of dried blood everywhere. In front of them was the Keeper. She knew what was happening. They were reading history and learning...and they were killed. No mercy. She quickly turned and shuffled out, taking a huge breath of air and forcing herself to breath. She wanted to cry and scream, but she couldn't. She stood there shaking and looked at the grey sky. 

"Its not Orlesian." Noire slowly turned her head to look at Cole next to her, who was holding an arrow. Her ember eyes widened and she quickly grabbed it out of his hands. It was adorned with feathers and charms, the point a little too rough for "having been made in Orlais".  

She stroked the blade before speaking, "It's not Lavellan either. But...it is definitely elvish." She slipped it into her quiver and looked around again. "Good job, Cole."

"You're hurting. I want to help."

"I know you do."

"But you won't let me in."

"You're right." She gave a small smile before walking forward. "Bull, can you start digging a hole? They should at least be buried together. It wont be proper...but at least I can try to help them walk to the Beyond."

After hours of moving bodies, placing them in the earth and burying them, Noire giving each one of them a Dalish blessing, they gathered some fire wood and set up camp a little  ways away. 

All four of them were quiet as the fire crackled. Noire hugged her knees to her chest as she stared at the burning logs.

"They want to thank you." The Inquisitor looked across from her and at Cole once more, who was illuminated by the warm fires. "You came home and took care of them, even though the rest of the countries need you.  You are a beacon."

"No, Cole. _I am not_. It was because of me that they were killed."

"And how do you suppose that, boss?" Bull asked, resting his elbow on his knee as he leaned forward.

Surprised, she glared at him, "My place in the world put them in danger. I'm an elf, placed in such a high position."

"What if they were just targeted because they were elves?"

"Then it would've been done by _monsters._ " Noire hissed. She reached over to her quiver on the ground next to her and pulled out the arrow. "But this arrow is elvish. Not Lavellan either. _Elves_ killed them."

"Noire...are you suggesting..?" Dorian started.

"I am." Her jaw locked as she clenched her teeth. Their 'brief' trip would be a little longer. "We're going to have to find them."

 

///

 

Cullen rubbed his forehead as he leaned his elbow against the arm of his chair. In the opposite hand, he had Noire's letter.

_Commander,_

_The trip is going to be a little longer than expected._

_What Leliana found out was not the truth. and I plan to find just that._

_Please, wait a little longer._

_-Your Fiancée_

But how long was a little longer? He set the letter on the desk and slumped back in his seat, taking a deep breath. She had barely listened to his input when she said she was going. The problem was, she used the Inquisitor card, and he had to play Commander. Not her future husband. Not her love. He could feel himself tear apart when she demanded that she go. Unluckily for him, all Leliana, Josephine and Morrigan all agreed. Cassandra agreed up until Noire said she wasn't going. The look of "royally pissed" would not even begin to describe Cassandra's expression. Cullen didn't want her to go. He wanted her to take time and think before she did anything impulsive. This was far more emotional than it was duty. Was there a wrong in that? 

Cullen took another breath before he heard a small laugh. He looked up quickly to see Evangeline. "Commander, I don't think I've ever seen you so _loose._ Normally you're standing tall without letting your emotions break through all that armor." The Commander quickly ran his fingers through his hair and sat up tall, just like she said.

"I apologize that you had to see me in that state."

She laughed again, walking towards his desk. "That's what I'm talking about. It was refreshing. Perhaps you are a human under all that lion glory."

"Lion glory?"

Her sultry gaze glanced at his mane, then a smirk appeared on her face. "All heroic and no room for anything else." She couldn't help but glance at the table and see Noire's letter.  _Your Fiancée._ A small frown appeared on her face. Quickly, she put on a show and gave him a small smile, "Will the Commander join me in the gardens? I feel it is the only place that doesn't remind me that I'm in a castle that is resting on a giant rock."

A brief chuckle rose from his throat, "If you'll give me a moment."

After he tidied his desk, he walked with her. She had developed a habit of growing comfortable and wrapping her arms or hands around his bicep as they strolled. Not wanting to be rude, he positioned it for her. Even in armor, she _was_ still a lady.

Morrigan had been talking to Kieran when she noticed the shining pair. She stood up slowly and crossed her arms, trying not to frown. "Mother?" Kieran asked, curious as always.

"Wait here, my love. I must go speak to the Commander," she kissed his forehead briefly before walking over to the pair. "Good afternoon, Commander. I'd like a word."

"Some other time, perhaps." Cullen replied, a little surprised that she approached him.

Morrigan stopped and looked at him, "I wasn't asking."

The Commander gave Evangeline an apologetic look before walking to the gazebo with Morrigan. She leaned against the railing and angled her head, "You're going to tie yourself into a strangling vine if you do not walk carefully."

Cullen looked at her like she was insane. Of course, she was used to it. "I beg your pardon?"

"You are too blind to see it, but your Templar friend has had her eyes on you since she could practically smell you..and that started when she arrived at the gates."

"Maker- Morrigan, there's no way-"

"I will not stop the Inquisitor if she thinks otherwise."

Cullen felt his heart sink. What if she was right? He had to stop encouraging Evangeline. Before he could speak, Morrigan was already returning to Kieran. He turned to see Evangeline already approaching the gazebo, smiling. "Something wrong?" She was next to him now..but she was awfully close. He could.. _maker_...could smell the lyrium on her breath. Immediately he felt his heart pound harder. 

"Nothing's the matter." He gave a curt nod before taking a steady step back. "By chance, did you...satisfy your.. _templar needs_ while I spoke with Morrigan?" He couldn't say it. He didn't want to. His body felt heavy and drained. Anything but lyrium right now.

"Hm? Oh. Lyrium? Yes I did. I was feeling a little achey, I suppose." She was pretending. Of course she was. She held up her hand and acted surprised, "Oh. I'm so sorry. I forgot. Will you be alright?" she took a step toward him.

The Commander flinched and held up his hand, "No need to worry. I don't suppose you can walk yourself through the rest of the gardens? I must retire to my quarters now." He did his best not to groan as he began to walk away, without listening to her response.

He stumbled into his office, quickly shutting the door behind him and rushing to lean against his desk. The sweat was already dripping down his forehead. He needed her here. She would know what to do. Any templar in Skyhold knew not to be around him when they were taking their dosages. But not foreign templars. He let loose some of his armor before taking a few deep breaths. He could do this. He could get over it. His torso burned again and he felt his knees buckle from the sharp pain, a shuddered breath coming from his lips.

As if it were by some miracle, Cassandra stepped in. "Commander I need you to- _Commander!_ " she dropped any papers she held in her hands and rushed over to him. Immediately she wrapped his arm around her shoulders and helped him stumble over to his chair. "What in Andraste's name put you in this condition? It's been far too long for you to be like this," she hissed.

"Evangeline," he croaked, leaning into the chair and putting his hands on his face.

" _Evangeline?_ " She retorted in an appalled tone. "Commander, to be frank, she needed to leave a week ago. Even more than that. She is unhealthy for the Inquisition." Cassandra put a hand on her hip before sighing. "I'll go get a towel in cold water to help cool you down. Don't do anything rash."

As if he could even think of doing anything...well. He could. He shakily pulled out the quill and a blank piece of parchment. Once he was done, he called for a soldier outside one of the doors. "Deliver this to one of Leliana's men so that it reaches the Inquisitor. Thank you." The soldier was hesitant, knowing his state, but Cullen waved his hand as he leaned against the desk. The soldier reluctantly left, closing the door behind him. Cullen sighed and looked at the door that Cassandra had walked out of. "Maker have mercy, that woman better hurry up."

 


	12. Consequences

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Noire continues to investigate the slaughter of clan Lavellan and Cullen finds himself at a choice he'd never thought he'd have to consider making again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I REALLY took so long this time. I was busy trying to not be lazy from the summer~!

Noire took the lead, riding her halla quietly and lost in thought. They had ridden in silence for quite long enough. Even Cole was too timid to speak as he clung to Dorian's shoulders, sitting behind him on the back of his horse. Finally, the mage had had enough. "When was the last time you took a bath, Bull, you smell horrid!"

Flabbergasted, Iron Bull glared at his lover, unsure of why he was being attacked so suddenly. "I shower plenty for you-" he watched Dorian look at Noire then back at him. Iron Bull looked ahead of him, "Boss, do you think I smell?" He asked, going along with it. Lavellan sat up and looked over her shoulder, " _What?_ "

"Dorian says I smell."

"Horrible," Dorian echoed, rolling his eyes. "Honestly I don't know why I put up with you sometimes."

"Kadan, don't say such hurtful things." Iron Bull brought a hand to his bare chest and over his heart, his voice dripping with playful sorrow.

Dorian groaned and waved his hand at him and finally Noire giggled, "You two get along nicely."

The two men smiled at each other, pleased by the reaction they got out of her. Cole finally spoke, "Love rises when a common care is shared. The way his lips glisten makes his heart ache and his groin-"

"COLE!" Both Dorian and Iron Bull yelled in synchronization.

Noire burst into laughter, holding her stomach and stopping her halla. She couldnt stop, as if it had been so long. Tears formed in her eyes, as she kept replaying the scene in her head. Dorian and Bull pulled their mounts up next to her, Dorian with a face of concern and Iron Bull grinning from ear to ear. Cole watched her with wide eyes before giving his own timid smile. She leaned over a little on her mouth, still holding her stomach but taking some breaths. Cooling down, she wiped the tears on her cheeks and rubbed her stomach, "That one hurt.." She looked at them, smiling, "Thank you, bo-" She shut up quickly and looked around.

"Boss-?" Bull started, but she held up her hand to quiet him. Slowly she reached behind her to grab her bow, "We're being watched," she replied quietly, a whisper that slipped with her breath. She looked into the trees surrounding them, but before she could pull her bow off her back, an arrow was launched next to her hand, whistling in the air and onto the ground next to her mounts feet. It wailed in response and shifted its feet, causing Noire to quickly grab the reigns and soothe it. Hooded figures dropped from the branches, one by one, slowly surrounding them, aiming their bows at them. The Inquisitor glared at them and pet halla's ears, looking around and counting. Dorian had his hand around Cole's mouth so he wouldn't speak and Bull had his hand hovered over his greatsword. 

"I think we found what we were looking for, boys," Noire spoke up with bitterness in her voice. Every single hooded figure had elf ears poking at the cloth around their head. This had to be them. "I'm Noire Lavellan. The Inquisitor." She said quickly, noticing that some of the archers were getting antsy. They quickly put down their bows and one of them lowered their hood. It was a male with pointed black hair, similar to hers but stylized much more. "Our leader will want to meet you."

Just as she thought. Noire nodded, "Lead us." No point in being polite.

The black haired elf nodded and began to walk ahead. The rest of the elves remained circled around them, holding their bows and ready for any escape artists.

 

///

 

Cullen lied in his bed, sweating. It took Cassandra long enough but she was finally at his bedside, wiping his forehead and neck with an ice cold towel. "Bed ridden again. The Inquisition wont know what to do with you if you become crippled."

The Commander gave a dry chuckle and waved his hand, "Its not a big deal, Cassandra."

"Commander Cullen?"

Cassandra looked over at the ladder and looked back at Cullen, "Send her away." she said aloud.

The Commader's amber gaze looked at her with a small plea. How could he be rude to someone who had shown him kindness? "I'm sorry Evangeline. Now is not the time."

"I just wanted to inform you that I will be leaving tomorrow with the remainder of my men."

Cullen looked at Cassandra again, attempting to sit up. She pushed him back down, making a disgusted noise. Cullen groaned and spoke once more, "I will try to see you off then."

There was a small _clink!_ on the desk, "Until then, Cullen," and the sound of footsteps leaving the office.

Another disgusted noise emitted from her mouth as she continued wiping his damp skin, "First name basis."

"Are you jealous, Cassandra?" Cullen attempted to lighten the mood.

She stopped and sat down in her seat, "It is not a joke. The Inquisitor loves you very much. She is now the last Lavellan in all of Thedas...mourning. I do not have time to be jealous and worry about the both of you at the same time. I was supposed to just worry about her but you are just a giant mess." Cassandra dipped the towel again. 

Cullen looked at her with an apologetic gaze, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to-"

"You did not mean to do a lot of things." She sighed and finished, "You'll have to sleep the fever off. If you _can_ sleep."

"I can certainly try, " he croaked, attempting to relax.

She sighed and set the bowl and rag aside, beginning to leave. Cullen glanced at her, "Cassandra.."

"Yes, Cullen?"

"Do you think I'll have to take it-"

"No. I refuse to acknowledge that option," she spat, quickly striding across his room and sliding down the ladder. 

He looked up through the holes in his roof, looking at the sky and taking slow deep breaths. It terrified him that he'd consider lyrium again...but what if it was the only option? What if was the only way to be with her? The commander ached everywhere, emotionally and physically. "I wont want to move on from you.." he whispered, recalling that he had told her this before. 

Lyrium was definitely an option in his mind now. As much as he tried to push the thoughts away, the image of his kit kept popping into his mind. Frustrated, he weakly turned on his side in bed and gripped his sheets, attempting to fall asleep.


End file.
